Jordon's Picks...

Hi everyone. I want a appologize from the bottom of my heart for the near month long layoff from blogging. I was in a coma. Just kidding. With the holidays and work I just haven't had the time to keep you abreast of my exciting life. So what's new? Well the results of our year-long poll indicate that most people sleep naked. Fascinating. What else? I am going to Dubai and Qatar in a few weeks; i better start growing my beard so I fit in. Don't want to end up on Al Jazeera. The Super Bowl is on this weekend. I love being indifferent watching the big game. I can't decide if it's better to have your team in the game but be really nervous or not have your team in the game and just be able to watch and eat. I'm leaning towards having you team in the game but my Eagles lost so it really wasn't that enjoyable.

Moving on to the topic of today's post. I was doing my nightly activity of surfing the internet for porn and noticed a strange habit of mine. Whenever I am on the internet and there is a picture of a person or a video I am watching, I always move the cursor and pretend to pick their nose. Is that strange? I just find it amusing. Picking the virtual nose, priceless.

W. gave his final State of the Union address last night so keeping that theme, I will say that the State of the Blog is strong. We have another year ahead of us here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts and hopefully lots of changes and adventures ahead. I am currently gathering all of my politcal positions so I can attempt to brain wash everyone into voting for...

Stay tuned.

ps. I never imagined that googling "nose pick" would return a picture of W picking his nose. How perfect is that for this post?

It's a Jump to Conclusions Mat

Happy Holidays to all my loyal readers out there. I can't believe it has been almost a month since my last post; my sincerest apologies. In case you were wondering I have all of my travel plans for 2008 set. If you are reading from one of the places listed below please say hi and give me some travel tips. Heck, I may even drop by to say hello. Some of the highlights will include Dubai, Qatar, Trinidad and Tobago, and Germany. Of course this doesn't include my many spontaneous trips which tentatively include Las Vegas, Seattle, Montana, Idaho, Alberta, New Orleans, Montreal, and any other country bordering Germany. But don't worry, there is still plenty of room in my passport.

Only a few days left to vote in the "What do you sleep in?" poll. So far, surprisingly, sleeping naked is the most popular overnight apparel.

Today's topic is sort of a combination of other Deep Thoughts and a recent post left by my cousin on his blog. It has to with history and where modern day ideas, products, and sayings originated. I was sitting on the couch talking to my roommate and I posed the following question, "Do you think if you were born about 100 years ago that you would have invented something like Velcro?"

Think about it. How many times have you seen an invention and thought to yourself, "That is so simple, how come I didn't think of that?" I mean come on people, Velcro, a ruler, that little clip you put on your potato chip bag. I would like to think I could have thought of one of those things but I guess I was just a little too late. Thanks mom and dad. I mean, I could have made a million dollars.

But hey, soon it will be 2008. A new year. A chance to start fresh full of new ideas, new Deep Thoughts, new adventures and maybe, just maybe, I can think of something new that will change the world. Until then I will have to hope my little blog makes each of my readers laugh a little bit which is good enough for me.

Have a safe, happy, and healthy Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year.

P.S. Hopefully my Hawaii Warriors can keep the aloha going against Georgia. Go UH!

Going Back to Cali

It's been a while so here's a nice, juicy post to quench your Deep Thoughts thirst. First, a little gratuitous skin shot for all my loyal readers who have been wondering how awesome I look without a shirt on. This picture is the result of my travel buddies Tom and John thinking it would be funny to have a shirt on and a shirt off picture in the same photo album. It has gotten a few laughs.

So why you may ask was I standing in front of the Hollywood sign? Well my neverending quest to see all of the Top 10 trance/electronica DJs in the world took me to Los Angeles two weekends ago to see number 10: David Guetta. We were actually in LA for less than 48 hours. That's right, we flew out of New York Friday night and returned Sunday night. It was truly an extreme trip. We hit up Santa Monica, Venice Beach (no, I didn't get in a quick workout at Muscle Beach), the La Brea Tar Pits, Wahoo's Fish Tacos, In N' Out Burger, Sunset Tan, and most importantly, the Playboy Masion. Amazingly, they didn't let us in but we took plenty of provacative pictures in front of the gate at the end of the driveway.

As we were sitting on the airplane, my brother, who was also on an airplane at the same time on his way to Denmark, sent me a text message with two quality Deep Thoughts. The first dealt with how people can't find their seat on an airplane. I have to agree with him on this one. You have to figure that the average person has flown at least once in their lifetime. Further, if they didn't know how to find their seat on the outbound flight, then they surely learned and were able to tackle that task on the return flight. Therefore, anyone boarding an airplane is probably doing it, at a minimum, for the third time. Also, it's not like the seats aren't labeled. You don't have to count the rows and seats as you walk toward the back of the plane. It says right above the seat: 36D. As a total pervert, I would be very excited to be assigned this seat number but I digress.

The second had to do with the Bureau de Change, or for those of you who don't travel, the place where you exchange local money. When you exchange money you are always given a receipt. This way you can walk away trying to figure out how much money you lost because the US economy sucks and the Dollar isn't worth anything anymore. Anyway, his question was whether or not you could return the money instead of exchanging it back to US Dollars; therefore, losing even more. This is a very interesting question which I might try on my next trip. Did anyone notice that I started three consecutive words with "any" in that paragraph. Does that count as an aliteration?

Where is my next trip you may ask? There are a couple of possible destinations. I will be going to U.A.E., Oman, Qatar, and Bahrain in February for work. I can't wait to try the indoor snowbarding in Dubai. Other possibilities include Hondorus, Scandinavia, Germany, and Thailand. As usual, I will keep you abreast of my journeys with any Deep Thoughts that I come up with along the way. In the meantime, have a healthy and safe Holiday Season.

A State of Lonliness

I thought of something interesting while driving back from Philadelphia last night. Almost everyone who lives in the northeast is familiar with the term "Tri-State Area". It's always mentioned in regard to a sale at the car dealer or some stupid radio contest. I guess it kind of makes more people feel included in some sort of sales pitch. Is this term present in every part of the country? I know they don't say it in Hawaii; they say "The Islands" instead. What if you lived in, say, Reno, NV. The only state in the area is California. Do they say "Bi-State Area"? I bet the would make a lot of people uncomfortable. And what about if you lived near Four Corners where Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, and Utah come together? I guess it would be the "Quad-State Area"

So people of Reno, Four Corners, Maine, I invite you to leave a comment and share the answer to this Deep Thought with the rest of the world.

Hope you had a Happy Veteran's Day. My Grandfather sure did; he turned 90! See you in 10 years Willard Scott.

Thank You Andre, I'll Have the Veal Piccata

Huge development is my quest to reach all 7 continents. The President of my company asked me yesterday if I would be interested in attending a coastal engineering conference in Dubai. Without even hearing any more I quickly said that I would be interested. So now I get a free, week long vacation to Asia and all I have to do is hand out a few business cards and give a little presentation about all of the papers that will be presented. Piece of cake...I love public speaking. Actually, I just love any excuse to picture people in their underwear. So according to my calculations, I will have been to 6 continents before I turn 30!

So today's Deep Thought is a quick one from the archives. I have always noticed this little part of daily life and now I am writing it down for the whole world to enjoy and debate. Picture this: you go out to eat with friends and/or family and the waitress passes out the menus and takes the drink order. (Notice I said waitress and not server. I am not politically correct and never will be. Deal with it.) Anyway, you take a couple minutes perusing the menu, carefully eliminating each item based on the ingredients or the way each dish is prepared.

Hmm, don't like capers so the fish is out. Don't want to eat anything fried so the chicken is out. Don't like anything with a glaze so the steak is out. Finally you decide on the plain and simple spaghetti and meatballs and close your menu rejoining the table conversation. The miserable teenage (or even more miserable middle age) waitress comes over to take your order. But for some reason you get nervous. You have already decided to get the pasta, you have carefully selected the thousand island dressing on the house salad over the Caesar salad, and you even picked the steamed vegetables as your side.

It's your turn to state your selections and almost instinctively you have to reopen the menu despite the fact that you already know what you want. Sometimes you even feel compelled to point out your choice to the aforementioned miserable food service industry worker. Why is that? What happens in those couple minutes that causes you to completely forget what you want to eat. This is truly a gastrointestinal disorder that should be researched more.

Who's On Your List?

Greetings and salutations. I am experiencing a slight lull in workload so I thought what better way to pass the time than with a little blogging. Some exciting things going on here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts. Well, not really but it sure sounded good. Let's see...my car passed it's bi-yearly emissions test yesterday, which was lovely. I recently went online with my new website: http://www.x-pong.net/. The site describes the most extreme drinking game ever conceived by man. My friends and I invented it while we were seniors at Penn State. My brother now plays with his friends and apparently it is all the rage. Check out the site and try playing...you won't be sorry.

What else? Oh yeah, I am also conducting an experiment at my gym. I always figured that any hot girl wearing an iPod at the gym is off limits because it would be super sketchy to make them take their earphones off to talk to them. I believe I addressed this in a previous post. Also, a friend of mine was telling me that she saw some hot guy using some piece of equipment at the gym and that she went up and innocently asked how to use it, hoping he would then ask for her number. I was amazed to find that girls actually do stuff like that. She also said that you can only do it to guys who aren't wearing iPods. Thus, I have decided to go sans iPod for the next week to see if I appear more approachable. It's been two days and the results are astounding: nobody has talked to me, not even glanced my way. Five days left, I'll keep you posted.

Speaking of the male-female dynamic, I had dinner with my ex-girlfriend last week while I up in Massachusetts. On my way back to my hotel after dinner I remembered how we had a list of celebrities, who, if we ever met, it would be okay to sleep with and it wouldn't be considered cheating. The point being that you would never actually meet this person but it gave your little fantasy hope. So anyway, this got me thinking. Do celebrities have a list of people they can sleep with and it wouldn't be considered cheating? Do they just choose normal people? Do they just sleep with whoever they want because they are celebrities? I mean, someone like Katie Holmes can't tell Tom Cruise that if she ever met Martin Short and sleeps with him it wouldn't be cheating because the odds of them meeting are pretty good.

So what do you think? If there are any celebrities reading this, and I mean A-list celebrities, please chime in with your two cents. Also, Adriana Lima, if you are reading this, please send me an email because we need to get together.

Jailbait?

Here's an interesting topic today. So many celebrities are on their way to jail these days. O.J., Michael Vick, Paris Hilton; the list goes on and on. For some odd reason I got to thinking about female prisons, probably because of Paris Hilton. And, as you might expect, this struck my blog nerve (which is located right behind the medula oblongata). Today's topic is something that I truly do not know the answer to and I think poses a real ethical dilemma that may or may not have already come up in the judicial system. So here it goes.

Let's say a female inmate is sentenced to 5 years in prison for...i don't know...stealing a pair of shoes from a department store. Unbeknownst to her, she is pregnant. Nine short months later she has to give birth. Do they let her deliver the baby in the prison infirmary? Do they take her out of the prison to a real hospital? But the most ethical question...what do they do with the baby? Is it automatically put up for adoption? Is it sent to a foster home? Does the mother get the kid back in four years and 3 months? Who raises the newborn?

If you are a lawyer or know a lawyer could you please find out for me? Is there legal precedent for such a case?

How About Them Phightin' Phils

WOW! My little Phillies finally made the playoffs. It's been a while, as you can tell by that picture on the right. I look a bit different than the picture in my profile. What a euphoric feeling for every Phillies fan around the world. I live in Connecticut where everyone is either a Yankees or Red Sox fan; they are used to winning. The Phillies on the other hand became the first (and only) professional sports franchise to lose 10,000 games this season. Needless to say, Philadelphia sports fans don't have much to cheer about. And when they do, their hearts are usually ripped out by the team choking. (See McChoke, Donovan. Super Bowl XXXIX) So anyway, at least for the next week, I am going to walk around with a smile on my face. Especially since I have many friends who are Mets fans. Talk about historic choke jobs.

Anyway, I was looking through my list of blog topics, trying to figure out what to talk about. Since we are talking about history, I decided to go with a thought I had a while ago while simply walking down the sidewalk.

Question. What do most people do while walking down the sidewalk? Answer. Whistle. When you walk down the street you probably whistle your favorite tune. Maybe something you heard on the radio on your way to work. Maybe a song that has been sitting in the back of your head for 10 years. Either way, you probably don't whistle too many original tunes. The tunes you whistle are delivered via radio, iPod, television, maybe a concert. Now lets go back in history a few hundred years...say 1757 (250 years). I assume mankind knew how to whistle 250 years ago. Is that a safe assumption? What did these people whistle? No radio. No iPod. No television. Maybe the upper class got to see a concert. Maybe a slave song or two. But walking down the sidewalk must have pretty quiet in the olde days. (See how I added the "e" to old to make it seem more authentic?)

Anyway, Go Phillies!

Don't Drop The Soap

Hola amigos. Today is quite a day in Jordon's Deep Thoughts. It's the first time in almost 5 weeks that I have had time at work to write a blog entry. I have quite a few ideas in reserve so get ready to start checking weekly again. Work has been absolutely crazy for the last month. I have been working until 6 or 7 every night. No Cheifet has ever had a job that required any more than 50% effort or more than 40 hours per week. Needless to say my parents were very disappointed. But alas, the FEMA project I had been working on since last Halloween is finally finished. Now it's nothing but SCUBA diving in the East River and writing blog posts to keep my faithful readers entertained while they sit at their desks wishing they could be doing something awesome.

So yeah, my August was pretty much the worst month of my life. Parking ticket, speeding ticket (my first), someone punched my sideview mirror and broke it, car engine problems. Oh yeah, and I kind of screwed up at work when I used meters instead of feet. Oops! So September 1 came and it was off to the Dominican Republic with my roommate Tom (see above, center) and my friend John (see above, right, the guy). Never in my life had I truly, sincerely needed a vacation. I'm telling you, DR (as we like to call it) is really cheap and awesome. We drank, we danced, we gambled, we drank some more, we tanned, we met some great people. Actually, I was very close to actually leaving a casino in the black for the first time in my life but the sweet siren song of the roulette wheel spinning gets me every time. Oh well, good times all around.

We shared a room and it turned out to be very nice. I was taking a shower one afternoon after a long day of sleeping and tanning and picked up the soap and, of course, it got me thinking. What is the proper etiquette on using a bar of soap when you aren't in your own shower? You go to a friend's house and want to take a quick shower before going out. You see the bar of soap sitting there...what do you do? If you use it, do you meticulously inspect it to make sure there are no hairs still on it? Do you just use your shampoo foam? That never works. Do you pray there is body wash and if so do you use their loofah sponge too? These are questions that need to be answered.

WWJD? What Would Jordon Do? He would use the damn soap and not worry about it because it's soap, anything that touches it is automatically cleaned, right?

Have a great week...and it's great to be back!

The Road Not Taken, Eh? Part 2

Greetings and salutations from my little office in Connecticut. As promised, here is a detailed account of the interesting and funny things that happened on my recent road trip to Minnesota, Wisconsin, North Dakota, South Dakota, Manitoba, and Saskatchewan. For all of you long time readers of Jordon's Deep Thoughts, or at least since last September (See previous post), you know that I have a little list of things I want to do in my life before I die. Among the many things are to go to all 50 U.S. states and all 13 Canadian provinces, swim in all 4 of the world's oceans, and stand at the extreme points of U.S. My most recent road trip was jam packed with many geographic conquests and other things that most people would never waste $600 and a precious weekend so they can check things off of their list. But screw them...so let's dive right into it.

Last September, my cousin and I spent 28 of a possible 48 weekend hours in a car driving to the easternmost point in the U.S. in Lubec, ME. So the goal of this trip: the northernmost point in the continental U.S., Angle Inlet, MN. A little research and a plane ticket and the next thing I know I am landing at the Minneapolis Airport with about 2,000 miles of driving in 3 days ahead of me. Needless to say, my cousin and I are super excited. And no, we didn't drive on 35-W. I'm an engineer, I knew that bridge was going to collapse. Idiots.

First up, the Twins-Angles game. The Metrodome is a dump...it looked like watching a Nintendo baseball game with the astroturf. High comedy. First thing I noticed is that people in Minnesota really do have a strong accent like in the movie Fargo. My cousin and I tried speak like them the rest of our trip. Also, probably the funniest observation is with the train system in Minneapolis. Most trains/subways have either a ticket taker on the train or a turnstile where you swipe a card. Not in Minneapolis. It's all on the honor system there. You buy a ticket, get on the train, and never have to prove to anyone or anything that you did indeed buy a ticket. And no, we never bought another ticket the rest of our trip. Idiots.

Saturday was quite the day. After a quick stop at a Wisconsin supermarket to stock up on food and drinks we were on our way to Winnipeg, Manitoba. Along the way we stopped at the geographic center of North America in beautiful Rugby, ND. There is a big obelisk marking the spot and that's it. There is nothing else there. We didn't roll into Winnipeg until 11pm and I went right to bed.

Sunday arrived and we had one goal, getting to the northernmost point in the U.S. Destination: Angle Inlet, MN. The Angle (as it's called locally) can only be accessed from Canada. So from Minnesota you actually have to drive into Canada and then back into Minnesota. But that's not even the funniest part -- you have to clear customs at an unmanned border station. That's right, there is only a videophone where you call customs and tell them your information. I hope Al Queda isn't reading this.

So to get to the point you actually have to take a boat because it's located on an island. A guy in the parking lot for the videophone told us to travel down the road to the Angle Outpost Resort and ask for David or Jessica Fandrich who would rent us a boat. So we get in our super sweet Pontiac G5 and travel down the unpaved road. We find David and he is more than happy to take us on his boat, free of charge. We find the point and stone marker (see picture above) but it's on private property and people are home so we don't get out but close enough. Great success!

We leave The Angle and cruise over to Lake Itasca, which is the headwaters of the Mississippi River. It was surprisingly nice. We also cruise past the Longitudinal Center of Canada and the north-south Continental Divide. Who knew that this area of the country was home to so many geographic monuments? Last stop on the trip was the Mall of America. I was at the Mall of America a couple years ago when my flight to Hawaii was delayed and I had to overnight in Minneapolis. The roller coasters were just as much fun this time. That's right folks, there is an amusement park inside the mall. They even have an aquarium now!

So all in all, another awesome trip that has allowed me to check a few things off my list. Next up...I have no idea. I'll just keep exploring and, of course, keep you posted.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Lost Time?

Hi. I have a really good post coming in the next week or two recounting my adventures to the northernmost point in the continental United States. I am still waiting for the pictures from my cousin. This trip was similar to the one described in an earlier post recounting my adventures to the easternmost point in the United States. But I don't want to spoil a future post so I will get right into today's.

I was walking through the kitchen last night and I did something that I always do but for some reason this time it sparked a Deep Thought. Am I the only one who can't stand when there are seconds left on the microwave timer? Who are the assholes who feel the need to take their stuff out before the timer runs down to zero and not reset it? Well, being as I only live with one other person, I knew who the guilty party was. Then I started noticing people at work do the same thing. Come on people. A little decency and microwave etiquette would be much appreciated.

As a result of this observation, I am including a new Jordon's Deep Thoughts feature: the Deep Poll. (that sounds kind of dirty, doesn't it?)

Guest Blogger: My Grandfather

Every once in a while I get a request from a reader to post a blog about a certain Deep Thought they may have come up with. Most recently my grandfather, Roy Zeper, sent me a letter asking if I would do just that. Mind you, Roy Boy is 89 going on 21 and officially the oldest reader of Jordon's Deep Thoughts. Without further ado, I present "You and Your Ancestral Roots" by Roy Zeper (copyright 2006).

How many of your ancestors were alive 100 years ago? The answer...your 8 great-grandparents. How many of your ancestros were alive when Christopher Columbus discovered America? The answer will astound you.

America 1492 began as a good year. There was no industrial pollution, traffic jams, budget deficits, or income taxes [or Jordon's Deep Thoughts, amazing I know]. Also, no small pox, typhus, diptheria, or measles -- these would be gifts from the white man. And then, on October 12th, 3 ships appeared on the horizon. The lookout in the prow of the Pinta sang out "Tierra!" and Columbus raised his telescope. He was about to discover The New World. Have you ever thought about your ancestors who were alive in the year 1492? All 32,768 of them. Yes, 32,768. Let me explain. For example, take your great-great-great-great-great-grandparents. If you built a family tree starting with them, it would trace their decendants until you appear quite insignificantly somewhere along the bottom. Now, let's invert this family tree so you are at the top.

You had a father and a mother. In turn, each of your parents had 1 father and 1 mother (your 4 grandparents). Likewise, each of them had 2 parents, your 8 great-grandparents. Let's assume there are 3 generations in every century and call the first century of your ancestral roots AR1. Basically, this takes us back to 1900 A.D. Now let's continue this magical genealogical journey back another 100 years to 1800 or AR2. Your 8 great-grandparents each had 8 of their own great-grandparents. 64 ancestors; 32 men and 32 women met and had offspring that were responsible for you some 200 years later. If one of them had died before bearing their offspring, you would not be reading this today.

1492, AR5. Now, let's take another step back in time and revisit everyone's favorite explorer [except George Costanza who was partial to DeSoto] Christopher Columbus was busy sailing west to find a shorter route to India, or as many believed sailing west off the edge of the Earth. At that point in our Ancestral Roots timetable, you have a total of 32,768 ancestors walking around somewhere. [Mine were probably doing something awesome]. With these statistics you should consider yourself quite fortunate to be here today. Think of the odds of your existence some 500 years later. If only 1 of these 16,384 men or 16,384 women had died from the plague, famine, war, or disease before they reached maturity and bore their offspring, the chain would have been broken and you would not be reading this.

0, AR20. [Here's a deep thought, would 0 be B.C. or A.D.?] Baby Jesus is hanging out. I picture Baby Jesus to be wearing a tuxedo t-shirt because it means he wants to be formal, but he's here to party. Anyone get that one? The number of your ancestors has mushroomed from 32,768 just 1,500 years earlier to an astonishing 1,152,922,028,894,846,976. This is an impossible total; doesn't population grow? The mathematics are correct. There must be some logical explanation. Let's call it the Zeper Theory.

I Got The Clap

Can you believe that it has been exactly a month since my last post? That's what happens when your job requires you to actually do work. Go figure. Also, last week was spent on a much needed vacation to Mexico with the family. See picture above. And yes, my family is awesome.

Vacation was filled with tons of fun activities. We swam with whale sharks, the largest fish in the sea. They were about 30 feet long and couldn't care less that people were swimming within inches of them. And no, I wasn't scared. We went to an island where the only form of transportation was the golf cart. I think if the USA adopted a golf cart only transportation infrastructure there might be some problems with commute times. Might make working from home more appealing.

Hmm...what else did we do? My brother and I did a little ocean kayaking complete with wiping out on the reef and me cutting my hand. After this incident we tied the kayak around the reef and did a little body surfing. You wouldn't believe how fast you can go when you wear SCUBA fins. And no, my bloody hand did not attract any sharks, although that would have been awesome. We did some SCUBA diving in a cavern in the middle of the jungle complete with stalagmites and stalactites.

Anyway, I noticed something on my way home that really bothered me. Why do people clap when a plane lands successfully? I mean really. Do these people clap when they drive to the supermarket and don't crash? I find the whole thing ridiculous. These are the same people who probably take their time putting their items in the overhead while countless people wait behind them waiting to get to their seat.

This is why I don't take any carry-on items. Just my book and my ticket. I also wait until they say, "Last boarding call for flight 123 to Paradise." This way I can get up, walk right to my seat and sit down. I'm gonna be sitting in that airplane seat for the next few hours, why rush to sit down? Maybe it's for that thin blanket...I don't know.

Who Cut The Cheese?

Don't worry, I can't smell anything as I sit in front of my computer but that sure would be amazing if I could. Come on Bill Gates, get working on that. Anyway, hope everyone had a nice weekend. I spent mine doing a little fishing. I even caught a fish! It was most triumphant. Another quick one today as I don't have much fluff to add.

Let me post this question to you, if you know the answer then please let me know. I was in Subway yesterday ordering my footlong grilled chicken sub on honey oat (probably the healthiest thing you can get other than the 6") and the lady behind the counter asked me what type of cheese I would like. I pretended to look at the selection as if I were really thinking when I already knew I was getting provolone because I enjoy its taste and it isn't as stong as swiss or as boring as american. Then, staring into the cheese bin through the sneeze guard, a Deep Thought occured to me. Why is the american cheese always square and the provolone is always round? Does this affect the curing process? Is it merely so people can identify it without having to smell or taste it? Have you ever seen round american cheese or square provolone cheese? I mean swiss is easy to identify. If you don't know why swiss is easy to identify then I suggest you go out right now and jump off the top of a tall building.

Even wikipedia didn't have the answer and they have everything on that website. So if you know the answer, please let me know. Otherwise, this will have to remain a Deep Thought...

It Doesn't Have a Name

Real quick one today as we started summer hours at work and I don't want to be here any longer than I have to be. First of all, you may have noticed the little map at the top of Jordon's Deep Thoughts has quite a few dots on it now. Apparently people are consistently checking in to see what ridiculous topic I will come up with next. Also, I have been receiving a lot of reader comments recently from people I don't even know. That makes me feel good so keep the praise coming. I want my ego to grow. Can you believe Wikipedia deleted the page I created about Jordon's Deep Thoughts? They said it was garbage. I may try again as worldwide readership is increasing.

On to the post. I was in my hotel room last night in Biddeford, ME and I locked the door and closed that little metal bar thingy that doesn't have a name. You know, it looks like a big U and lets you open the door just a little so you can peer out but usually just makes you curse as you open the door quickly, not realizing it is closed. Anyway, I started thinking, what if I died in the room and the fire department had to get in? You would like to think that it is impossible because the little metal bar thingy is closed. So let's assume they have some tool that lets them open it; what's to prevent a burglar from obtaining the same tool? And honestly, have you ever been in a hotel room where the little metal bar thingy actually saved your life? I doubt it. Just one more thing to make your hotel bill higher.

Jew + Gold = Denim?

Disclaimer: I am Jewish so I can make anti-semetic jokes.

Without the fact that Jews are drawn to gold, the greatest invention in the history of mankind would have never become a reality. I have a little notepad document on my computer at work where I keep track of future blog posts. I only go to it when I am out of material; it's sort of a reserve for emergencies, like Fort Knox. Anyway, the topic of today's blog post was inspired but some show I was watching on Discovery Channel about the greatest inventions in history. You can type "greatest inventions" into Google and find countless lists compiled by people from all walks of life. Most lists will include the telephone (my personal favorite until writing this blog post), the personal computer, or the printing press. Some lists compiled by out-of-the-box thinkers may include the toilet, medicine, or even the wheel.

As you might expect from reading the posts on Jordon's Deep Thoughts, I am an out-of-the-box thinker. I think there is an invention greater than all of these. First, let's examine what makes an invention truly great.

1. Do you use it almost every day?
2. Does the majority of the population use it every day?
3. Is it still around today?
4. Will it be around in the future?
5. Does it make life easier?
6. Has it seemlessly integrated itself into society?

There aren't many inventions that are the answer to all of these questions that haven't already been listed above. So what could I possibly be thinking about? Well, assuming you figured out my little clue, the answer is, of course, jeans!

Jeans were invented by the Jewish tailor Levi Strauss when he moved to San Francisco during the Gold Rush in 1853. Check him out on Wikipedia, very interesting. You are probably wearing a pair right now. They have been around for over a hundred years and I doubt we will stop wearing them in the future. You wear them to school, to work, to play, to go out. You may even have a jean jacket like Marty McFly in Back to the Future. Next time you are walking down the street, just glance around and notice how many people are wearing jeans.

You may not agree with me but just think of life without jeans. Can you imagine living in the early 19th century wearing heavy pants or living in the 18th century wearing tights? Neither can I. So I nominate Levi Strauss to be mentioned in the same breath as Benjamin Franklin, Johannes Gutenberg, and Thomas Crapper (inventor of the toilet, of course).

Now that I think of it, the fork is a pretty good invention but since such a large percentage of the population uses chopsticks instead I put the fork at number 11 on my top ten list. Also, girl's butts look really good in jeans so that's another reason I put them at number 1.

If a Log Falls in the Toilet...

We have all heard the old cliche: If a tree falls in the woods and no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? Of course, the technical answer is yes (unless the tree is in a vacuum) but the philosophical answer is maybe. So I flushed the toilet this morning before my shower and in my half-asleep state I somehow remembered that the shower would be hot as a result. So instead of jumping right in the shower I decided to brush my teeth first and then jump in. Much to my chagrin, the shower was still scalding hot. It was very upsetting.

Anyway, as I was standing there, I thought of a very good Deep Thought. When you flush the toilet, the shower gets really hot. That would lead you to believe that the toilet must use all of the cold water to fill the bowl. But how do you know? Have you ever stuck your hand in the toilet bowl after flushing it? I sure haven't. I guess the easy answer would be to ask a plumber but I feel better letting this philosophical question remain unanswered.

We Just Killed Bambi

Well in case you read my profile, you may have noticed that I turned 27 last Thursday and therefore officially entered my late 20s. I really don't care, it's just a number...besides, I am in the best shape of my life. I mean just look at that picture of me holding up a house.

A couple of things I would like to address in this post. First, I would like to give a special shoutout to loyal blog reader Jennifer who sent me an email the other day saying that she loves Jordon's Deep Thoughts. You have no idea how good this made me feel. I always thought the only people who read my blog were my parents who just kept hitting refresh to get my counter up! The Internet...It's Fantastic!

Second, I was in Maine last week for work. We were doing some post storm inspections of coastal towns. Let's just say there was some damage (again, see above photo). People, living next to the ocean is great and all but don't get mad when your house gets washed into the ocean. I'll live a few blocks from the ocean and sleep soundly at night.

Anyway, during my drive I noticed a dead deer on the side of the highway and, of couse, this got me thinking. Why are the bodies always on the shoulder? I assume the cars hit the animals on the road. Who is moving them to the side? There must be some governmental agency or department that is in charge of removing these carcases. And why don't they just remove it when the move it to the side? I highly doubt every car-deer collision results in Bambi being thrown onto the shoulder. Personally, I have never seen anyone picking up a dead deer and tossing it in the back of a pickup truck. Have you? Is this done in the middle of the night? Do these trucks just drive along every road from 2-5am looking for dead animals?

Now this is one of the great mysteries of the world that needs to be answered? Drive safely loyal readers.

Hokie Nation

Real quick insensitive blog post today as I am about to begin my week-long string of birthday parties. My birthday is Thursday the 26th in case you want to send me something. First of all, let me assure you that what happened in Blacksburg is a true tragedy and I can't imagine what it would be like to know someone who was affected by what happened. And the outporing of support is amazing, even from students at Baghdad Technical University voiced their support. I bet if this happened there that no U.S. Universities would show their support. Anyway, I would rate the following Deep Thought a 9 out of 10 on the "Oh-my-God-you-are-such-an-asshole" meter. But as a journalist I have to ask the tough questions. Can you believe they even removed my page on Wikipedia? I'm still trying to get Jordon's Deep Thoughts listed.

So here we go, and remember that here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts we stick to the motto of: If you don't like it or are offended stop reading and get your own blog.

So they reported that the victims of the shooting would be conferred honorary degrees. So my question is whether or not the shooter will also be given a degree since he was both a senior and a victim? What if his parents asked for it? Sure would put the University in a tough spot. I'm betting he won't get his degree. I mean he was an English major, how hard could it have been anyway?

Epistle to New England Drivers

To my fellow New England drivers:

You SUCK at driving!

Sincerely,

Jordon

P.S. This past Friday I took a little road trip to Boston to catch Armin Van Buuren at Avalon. It's in the shadows of Fenway Park. Ironically, I have stood outside the two most famous baseball stadiums (Fenway and Wrigley) but have not seen a game at either stadium. Anyway, the show was amazing and I was close to starting a fight with the guy who kept bumping into me while I was on my magical trance journey but cooler heads prevailed...luckily for him.

Monday night I had to drive (again) to Plymouth, MA for a meeting. The nor'easter that has been dumping huge amounts of rain on the Northeast slowed driving and made people a lot more cautious, which is understandable. Anyway, I noticed something during my drive(s): New England drivers love to drive in the left lane and just stay there. Did these people not read the driving manual that says the left lane is for passing only.

As a little side note, did you know you can make a left on red only from a one-way to a one-way? The intersection next to my gym is set up this way and I always enjoy making the left here. There is only one other person I know who gets more excited than I do when making a left on red but he will remain anonymous.

Now granted I drive kind of fast but there is no excuse for driving 65 in the left lane when the speed limit is 65. Of course, it doesn't matter which lane you are in because you should never go faster than 65 but that is another story.

So to reiterate my point in this post, New England drivers SUCK at driving. I always thought the stereotype was that New Jersey drivers are bad drivers but I guess that is not true. Thank you for allowing me to vent.

P.P.S. Format courtesy of Epistolary Blog