Friday, March 30, 2007

Ye Olde Lame Name


Happy Friday to all. Sorry for the layoff but I have been sick. I actually had to take a sick day on a day when I was actually sick. I am very mad at myself for this one and I'm sure my dad is very disappointed with me. I'm gonna get right into this one because I really can't think of too much pre-blog-post fluff to include today.

As you know I do a lot of work throughout New England. This week was no different as I made my weekly trip to Gloucester. This week it was much nicer than the -40° F/C I encountered last time. Anyway, if you've ever driven through any New England state you have probably noticed that the town names seem very old fashioned. Also, if you have been to England, or read about it, or watched BBC, you may have realized that a lot of the town names were taken from jolly olde England. Hence New England. Not just a clever name people. Manchester, England...Manchester, New Hampshire. Not a coincidence.

So anyway, I finally decided to do a little research (on company time, of course) into the matter. Just how many names did our forefathers steal from the homeland? With a little help from Wikipedia and some crafty Excel manipulation I arrived at the answer:

Towns in England: 1319
Towns in New England: 1529
Towns with the same name: 210

That means that those lazy old dudes were so lazy that they couldn't even come up with new names for the towns the lived in. About 15% of the town names are the same. I don't know about you, but if I had the chance to settle a new country and kill some Indians in the process, I sure wouldn't name my town Fort Washington (where I am originally from). I would call it Awesomeville, or Cheifetburgh, or Vaginadelphia. That last one has a good ring to it, let's make it the Capital. I mean, you get the chance to literally write the history books but you know what, i'm too lazy and unoriginal, I can't think of anything. Here are some probable conversations had by the original settlers:

"Sally, I just bought us two tickets on the Mayflower. It leaves tonight."
"Between which two ports?"
"Uh...it leaves Plymouth, England tonight at 8 and gets to Plymouth, America in 6 months"
"Plymouth to Plymouth, that doesn't make any sense! Is that a round-trip or one-way ticket?"

(That last line is actaully pretty funny if you think about it)

--Upon arrival in Plymouth, America--

"John, stop kissing the ground, we made it."
"Sally, I know, I am just so happy to be here."
"So we left England to come to this new land? It's hot. What shall we call it?"
"Sally, stop nagging me, I'm taking a nap. How about New England?"

(You see settler John said this as a joke to shut up his annoying wife and the rest is history...or is it herstory???

PS - that photo of me at Stonehenge is in Amesbury, England not Amesbury, Massachusetts

Thursday, March 15, 2007

An Inconvenient Irony?

That's right folks, mark up another victory for W and the GOP over everyone's favorite green politician Al Gore. This story just oozes irony and I felt it definately warranted an entry on Jordon's Deep Thoughts. Last week, Ann Bancroft and Liv Arnesen set out to trek 530 miles across the Arctic Ocean to bring awareness to the so-called global warming crisis facing this world today. Bancroft was the first woman to cross the North Pole in 1986 and she and Arnesen were the first women to ski across Antarctica in 2001. Needless-to-say, both women had experience in long journeys through some of the world's coldest locations.

This journey was to bring awareness to global warming by documenting the trip with scheduled updates to school groups via satellite phone. The two adventurers even packed body suits so they could swim in the areas where the polar ice had melted. Now I take exception with this last one. I am assuming a body suit is some sort of dry suit like the one I wear when I go swimming in the East River. These suits are hard enough to get on and off when it's sunny out and you can sit in the company truck. I can't imagine doing this in sub-zero temperatures at the North Pole. And I certainly can't imagine two women doing this. Just kidding, wanted to see if you were still paying attention.

Anyway, their trip came to a sudden halt when extreme cold temperatures and bouts of frostbite got in the way. Oops! According to Bancroft, the outside temperature exceeded -100°F at times. Even in the refuge of their tent, the temperature was still a frigid -58°F. And to think women are better in the cold.

Ann Atwood, an organizer of the expedition, said that Bancroft and Arnesen were "experiencing temperatures that weren't expected with global warming." While keeping her guard up to those who may use this botched expedition as an example to the failed logic in global warming, Atwood said that one of the things we see with global warming is unpredictability.

Yeah, we also see that the fight against global warming just took a step back to the Ice Age. Get it? Ice Age...global warming...nevermind. And then there's the one that Al Gore's electric bill was over $30,000 last year. Sounds like conservation to me.

I think the solution is pretty easy. Let people work from home to save gas and reduce emissions. Does anyone object to this one? I think I am going to run for President with this as the only plank in my platform. What American wouldn't vote for me?

Vote Cheifet '16
Sit on your ass and save gas

Friday, March 09, 2007

Ivy League Driving School


Last Tuesday reminded just how much I hate cold weather. Once again, I had to drive to Gloucester, MA for work. My task was to supervise a surveyor and tell him where along the coast he was to do his work. Very easy stuff but it beats being in the office behind a desk...at least until I got out of the car and felt those single digit temperatures and 30 mile per hour winds. In case you were wondering, the wind chill was around -40°F all morning. For you science nerds reading, -40°F is the same as -40°C.

Anyway, enough complaining, on to today's post. I was driving down the Mass Pike to my hotel in Gloucester and was cutoff by some asshole. If you know anything about me it's that I am a laid back guy and that extends to my driving...but only on city roads. Once I hit the highway I turn into a racecar (palindrome) driver and road rage comes easily. So I notice something that I have always thought about but never had an avenue with which to express my thoughts. Enter Jordon's Deep Thoughts.

Ah yes, the almighty college bumper/window sticker. Nothing wrong with showing some alma mater pride. I always thought it would be funny to get stickers from all of the Ivy League schools and put them on your car. That would basically say that you are smarter than everyone. My dad drives around with his Penn State and University of Hawaii stickers because he is proud of his boys but he didn't even go to those schools.

So my deep thought is as follows: Am I the only one who looks at the school name and immediately thinks of what the driver probably looks like and what type of car they are driving? Good school equals expensive car; average school equals average car. Well this guy had his Harvard University sticker proudly displayed on the back window of his rusted out Toyota Carolla. I would expect this Harvard alum to be wearing a tweed jacket and be driving a BMW. I mean at least that would explain why he thought he owned the road. But a Toyota Camry? That sounds like more of a car someone would drive if they graduated from a local community college.

But hey, who am I to judge. Oh wait, I'm the best driver alive. And don't get me started on NASCAR.

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