Monday, August 09, 2010

Go West Young Man


This just in...major developments here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts. Your favorite witty Internet scribe is moving the home office from Philadelphia, PA to San Diego, CA. That's right folks, I am moving to the West Coast. If anything, this will give me an extra three hours to assemble my thoughts before the miserable East Coasters start sending the mean emails. I am taking a pretty big leap of faith. I quit my job, packed my stuff, and relocated with the same wide-eyed optimism of so many immigrants to America over 100 years ago. Who knows what lies ahead? I guess we'll find out soon enough.

So as part of my moving, I had to decide how to get to California. Do I sell everything I own? Do I put everything in a UHaul? Do I hire a mover? After some number crunching and practical thinking I decided that the best way to go was shipping everything. This allowed me to minimize cost and manual labor while maximizing peace of mind. This past weekend was spent packing my entire life into 10 Home Depot moving boxes. Kind of a humbling experience.

So as many of you know I am kind of into road trips. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than putting 1,500 miles on a rental car in one weekend. My road trip adventures have taken me across the United States twice. I have done the drive both solo and tandem. Some advice. If you go solo, make sure you have a good book on tape to keep you occupied. I recommend the unabridged version. If you go tandem, make sure you have plenty to talk about because nothing is worse than dead silence and you haven't even finished one state yet!

So today's Deep Though focuses on the road trip and a small detail that the commoner would miss but the careful eye of Jordon's Deep Thoughts never fails to miss. When you are driving you always see signs for cities and towns that lie ahead on the road you are currently driving. Say you are driving on south I-95, you may see a sign that says "New York 206, Philadelphia 298". Pretty common sight. My question what you think the furthest distance listed on one of those signs is? Do you think there is a sign when you leave San Francisco on I-80 that says "Chicago 1750"? Is there a limit established with the Department of Transportation that limits this number to 500 miles? If you are driving along and see a road sign with some crazy distance on it, snap a photo and send it along. I'll be sure to post it.

So as I depart for San Diego, I will be starting a new chapter not only in my life but in Jordon's Deep Thoughts as well. If you are ever in the area, come say hi, you just may get to inspire a Deep Thought of your own!

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Unsinkable My Ass!

My backlog of Deep Thoughts has gotten pretty long in recent months and I can't sleep tonight for some reason so I thought what better time to update Jordon's Deep Thoughts? Not much going on here at Deep Thought headquarters in recent months. I just returned from an amazing trip to Southern California. I was there for the Electric Daisy Carnival (EDC) among other fun activities. EDC is probably the most insane musical experience in the history of mankind. Over 100,000 people were in attendance at the LA Coliseum and I think I was the only one not on Ecstasy.

So I spent a few weeks last month living out of a hotel room on Long Island. As you can imagine, it was awful. Then I was fortunate enough to spend another week living out of a hotel room in Galveston, TX. As you can imagine, it was awful. Although, having all of your meals paid for is pretty sweet.

Now you are probably reading this wondering when I am going to get to the Deep Thought. You're thinking to yourself, "Gee, Jordon always starts each post with a brief introduction that he magically segues into his Deep Thought." It really is literally magic. So here we go.

During my many nights alone in my hotel room I was fortunate enough to catch everyone's favorite blockbuster Titanic. Girls love the romantic story and guys love the special effects so everyone wins. Actually, girls love Leonardo DiCaprio and guys love seeing Kate Winslet's boobs but let's stay classy here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts.

Anyway, this Deep Thought came to me during final few scenes as the ship was sinking and all of the passengers were jumping into the icy Atlantic Ocean because all of the lifeboats were full. Maybe it was the engineer in me but wouldn't you think someone on that ship would have built their own lifeboat out of a bathtub? I mean seriously. If you were about to drown, wouldn't you try anything and everything to FLOAT!? This really bothers me and there is no way I would have drowned on that unsinkable ship.

Summer is here so everyone enjoy themselves and enjoy life. And if you find yourself on a sinking boat, try building your own lifeboat...or just call 911 on your cell phone. Too bad Jack and Rose didn't have Verizon!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Foul Play?

You are probably asking yourself, "What did I do to deserve the honor of a new Deep Thought?" Well you can thank my participation in an adult dodgeball league. The games are at 8 pm so I am just hanging around the office until gametime. Now you are probably thinking, "You play adult dodgeball?" My response, "Yes, I do play adult dodgeball on Wednesday nights. I also play adult kickball on Tuesday nights and we won the championship last year." On to the post...

So spring is officially here and with it comes flowers, warm weather, and baseball. I recently purchased some Phillies tickets for a game in a few weeks. First row; I am very excited! Anyway, the idea for this blog post has been on the back burner for a while now. It all goes back to a game I attended last season. It might have been the Dollar Dog Night where I attempted to eat 1 hot dog per inning. I only managed to make it to the 7th inning. My friend Jay completed this gastro-intestinal feat that left him looking pregnant. Apparently he also enjoyed some sodium-laced night sweats.

So my question is this: What is the oldest you can be and still bring a baseball glove to a game? I say once you become a teenager it's no longer acceptable. It's like having your bar mitzvah; you are now an adult and can't wear that glove anymore. Along the same line, if I caught a foul ball and there was a little kid near me, there is no way I give that ball away. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity for crying out loud. Just think, maybe if Steve Bartman had been wearing a glove he would have been asked to leave for being too old and the Cubs would have won their first World Series in over 100 years. But they didn't so I digress.

Spring is a time for new beginnings and with some new Deep Thoughts. Stay tuned...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Radial Profiling?

You probably thought I was kidding a couple weeks ago when I said I would be posting new Deep Thoughts with greater frequency this year. WRONG! Fresh off a trip to sunny San Diego I am re-energized and ready to tackle the great mysteries of society. Really, I was just happy to escape the multiple feet of dirty snow back in Philadelphia.

The idea for this post came while driving amongst the sand dunes of the Namib Desert in Namibia during the Cheifet family vacation back in May. Eric and I were discussing the natives and the Deep Thoughts just kept getting deeper. You'll see why in a second. Also, remember this was concocted by two engineers so it may get a bit nerdy.

I have to warn the readers about this Deep Thought, it's gonna be a little sensitive to some. We may touch on some subjects that typical readers find offensive. So be warned. Actually, now that I think of it, this post isn't offensive at all. If anything, it supports the accused's case with concrete, scientific evidence. Finally, to defend myself and to continue my running theme here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts -- It's my blog, if you don't like it then don't read it.

Ok, so on to the juicy stuff.

Everyone who can drive or has seen an episode of "Cops" knows that minorities are targeted by the police. The police always deny this saying they are just doing their job but anyone with half a brain feels sorry for the countless minorities pulled over on the side of the road for what probably was nothing. Am I being politically correct so far? Ok, good.

So to take this a step further, it is a common site to see minorities with "rims" on their cars. Translation: they like to put big tires on their cars. Personally, I think it looks really stupid but if you dig a bit deeper, then us "common folk" could learn a thing or two from people who put big tires on their cars. If you didn't know, your car's speedometer and odometer are calibrated to the factory size tire. These gages know that if the tire spins a certain number of revolutions in a certain time that you have gone a certain distance at a certain speed.

Now, something interesting happens when you put bigger tires on a car. Basically, you are fooling the gages into thinking that you are travelling slower than you really are. For example, when the speedometer reads 65 mph, the vehicle is actually traveling 70 mph...unbeknownst to the driver. Also, when the odometer says you travelled 1 mile you actually travelled 1.5 miles. This is great for the resale value!

So what does all this racially-laced jargon mean? It means that it's not the minorities fault they are caught for speeding, it's the tires. A simple "radial tolerance" program might end years of injustice perhaps?

That bad pun was free of charge.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Deposit This!


That's right folks, your eyes are not deceiving you. This is an actual new Deep Thought you are reading. Sorry for the long layoff, I was in the bathroom. Anyway, so much has happened here at the offices of Jordon's Deep Thoughts. As you might have guessed, you favorite blog protagonist has continued galavanting around the world. I got married, bought a house, and have two kids now. Yeah right! Just making sure you are actually reading this.

But seriously, I have upped my country tally by three to thirty-two. I just returned from a most excellent jaunt to the Middle East. The countries of choice included Egypt, Israel, and Jordan. This is all part of my goal of going to every country and taking a picture of myself in front of famous world landmarks. Pyramids -- Check! But more importantly is now being able to say I have been to a country with the same name as myself. How many people can say that!? Do you think there is anyone out there named Kyrgyzstan Johnson who took a trip so he could do the same? I doubt it. If you know someone with a country for a first name I would love to hear about them.

A couple things I learned while in the Middle East. First, Egyptians (at least the ones I met) were very rude. That's right, I said it. I mean, how many times can you say you don't want a camel ride before you get fed up? Second, Jordanians are very nice. They speak no English, you speak no Arabic, but you are still able to ask for directions in the middle of the night on the side of the road with no reservations and get where you need to go. Third, the Great Pyramids are really cool. Fourth, Petra is really cool. Fifth, the Dead Sea is really weird.

So I know what you're probably thinking. You took almost nine months off, did you at least think of some new Deep Thoughts? And the answer is of course yes! So with no further delay, I bring you the first official Deep Thought of 2010.

Open your wallet. I bet you there are a bunch of bills in there, right? A few Washingtons, a Lincoln, maybe a Hamilton, a couple Jacksons? If you are lucky maybe a Grant or a Franklin? Or if you are really lucky a Jefferson? Where did you get those bills? Maybe you bought a sandwich and got some change. Maybe you bought some toothpaste and got some change. But think back further -- you got them from the ATM, right? I doubt many of you enter a bank to make withdrawls.

So what's the worst part about the ATM? Exactly, only getting $20 bills! You make your withdrawl and get crisp, new $20 bills. Then you and your friends go out to dinner and try to pay and everyone has 20s and the bill is $36. A real pain in the ass I know. So my question is simple. If most people get their money from the ATM, and the ATM only gives out 20s, where does the other money come from? Does the mint deliver money directly to all businesses to keep the balance equal? I'm just saying it seems that a lot more 20s are put into circulation than 1s, 5s, and 10s. This really bothers me.

Anyway, hope everyone has a fantastic 2010 and I will do my best to keep you thinking while you are trying to waste time by trying to find the end of the internet.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

...And We're Back!

Sorry about that but we were experiencing technical difficulties here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts. I was just a little tired that last 6 months. I mean, the last time you heard from me was January when Obama was nominated. Remember that? So much has happened since then in the world: I traveled to my 29th country, I went to my 6th continent, I swam in my 4th ocean, Michael Jackson died, and I got a haircut. Major life-altering events here people.

So yeah, Africa was awesome. The safari, the sand dunes, the diving, the interesting food -- a bit different than the United States. I ate Kudu (a big antelope) and even tried some milk from a fruit that came out of the ground which was given to me by a half naked African boy.

So I believe we were driving through Namibia on our way back from a failed attempt to sandboard down some one thousand foot high sand dunes, we had just crossed the Tropic of Capricorn, and I saw a sign for the next town. It was just like a sign you might see in the United States which advertised gas, hotel, and food at the next exit. And of course, I noticed something interesting and began to wonder...

The universal sign (at least I thought) for food is a picture of a knife and fork. It doesn't say food or restaurant or anything like that, just a simple picture and everyone knows what it means. But here is where the blog-worthy aspect creeps into the picture. Say were driving in China, would the picture have two chopstcks on it? Can anyone confirm or deny this idea? I have never been to southeast Asia but would imagine the sign would have to show this, right?

I love you all and check back soon, the next post will be soon (less than 6 months).

Friday, January 16, 2009

All the News that's Fit to Print

Hope everyone is having a happy and healthy new year. It sure has been a while since I last posted. I am not going to apologize like I normally do but instead give everyone some very important news. Let me preface the news with a quick question. Let me see by a show of hands how many of you settle in on a Friday night with a nice glass of wine, some warm slippers, and your laptop with Jordon's Deep Thoughts queued up and ready for an evening of laughter as you prepare to catch up the latest happenings in my life? I see a few hands in Africa, one in Southeast Asia, and a couple in North America. Okay, not as many as I thought but still good.

In a funny twist, Jordon's Deep Thoughts is going retro as you can now read my latest ramblings in something people call a book. That's right, you can now order a copy of every post from the last four years in hardback or paperback from I have to admit it was mom's idea but probably the coolest gift I have ever received. Email me if you want to order yourself a copy. Makes for a great coffee table book...and I don't even make any money from it. Sad I know.

So anyway, what should I write about today? It's a new year and that calls for new ideas. Actually, I am going to quickly write about something I thought of probably two years ago and never got around to posting. So here it goes...

What is your address? Growing up, mine was 1319 Cory Drive and I could never understand why my neighbor's address was 1323. Did there used to be 3 houses in between us and they were knocked down before I was born? I mean, I can understand making one side odd and the other even but skipping 4 numbers, I never saw the reasoning behind that. Who are the city planners coming up with this garbage? We will never know.

Anyway, hope everyone is enjoying January 2009. I am moving into my new Center City Philadelphia apartment in two weeks so I'm sure I will run into some interesting, blog-worthy characters living in a major city. I will keep you posted.

P.S. There is a house near me who built another house in their backyard and made a little driveway to it. This house probably became 1321 and there was no problem because the planners thought ahead but I digress. I've also seen houses with half addresses but that is plain old silly. Good thing I am an engineer and don't have to work with numbers!

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