Macaroni and Sleaze

Well this is my first post after my big 26th birthday last week. Not to worry, the quality will not decrease because of my advanced age and the resulting depression. As a quick side note, my mom apprised me that I turned 26 on the 26th. How cool is that? Think about it, there is only one day in your life when this can occur. Amazing. Very blog-worthy. Keep that in mind when your day comes. If your day has already passed, then I am terribly sorry. Not really, but you know what I mean. Anyway, on to today's post...

My job as an ocean engineer has allowed me to travel all up and down the eastern seaboard. Last week was no different as I took a trip to Boston, MA for a seminar dealing with a structural engineering computer program. It was very boring but I got a free trip out of it so who's complaining? I had dinner with the lovely Ms. Lauren Tharaud followed by riding the T out to Boston College to roam the dorms with my brother's super awesome friend and girlfriend as the creepy old guy.

While perusing the dinner menu I came across macaroni and cheese. I think it was filled with bits of bacon, peppers, and other goodies in an attempt to make this dish sound appetizing. That's when I realized that I have never met a macaroni and cheese dish at a restaurant that is better than Kraft macaroni and cheese out of the box. Has anyone else ever noticed the same thing? These restaurants try and make it all gourment but don't realize that it's the simple Kraft product that is by far superior. If you have ever had a macaroni and cheese at a restaurant better please let me know so I can go test my hypothesis.

P.S. Stouffers macaroni and cheese is very good also.

A Druish Princess

That's all we needed...a Druish Princess. Hope everyone had a nice Passover/Easter weekend filled with yummy gifilte fish/easter egg meals. With all of this religion going around my family and I started talking about plastic surgery and how vain our society is. Well, as usual, this got me thinking. Any of you who grew up around Jewish people know that they usually have wavy, curly hair. And any of you grew up around young Jewish girls know that they are the only ones who actually would spend tons of their Daddy's money to do something about it.

The solution? None other than Japanese hair straightening. I don't know exactly what it is but I think they use some chemical to straighten the hair for a few months so it looks like Aryan hair but you can still tell and make fun of them behind their backs. Anyway, this brings me to the subject of this post. Everyone knows that Japanese people have the straightest hair on Earth. So why would the Japanese have any need for a hair straightening procedure? To find the answer, one must dig a little deeper...

I think the answer lies with a little clever marketing and racism. If we were to call the procedure by its original name: Jap hair straightening, then the answer begins to reveal itself. Jap, better known as Jewish American Princess, is the real name behind the curtain but the inventors thought this wouldn't sell as well so they just extended it to Japanese so as not offend anyone. Think about it, who are the only people who get Japanese hair straightening? Not the Japanese but the Japs. And speaking of Druish Princesses, everyone doesn't love a Druish Girl. Shalom.

What's Under That Toga?

You can sleep soundly tonight knowing that I survived my first real dive in the East River yesterday despite getting my ass kicked by the current. As a result of my survival, the deep thoughts will continue to flow...no pun intended. Anyway, on to today's post.

When I came up after an hour and a half of looking at wooden telephone poles holding up a pier I could see across New York Harbor over to Liberty Island and of course the Statue of Liberty. As usual, this got me thinking. We all know that a bachelor is a man and bachelorette is a woman. Does this same metric work for statue and statuette? Should Lady Liberty really be called the Statuette of Liberty? Was Dr. Peter Venkman in Ghostbusters II right when he said, "Kind of makes you wonder, does she have anything on under that toga?" Or should he have said, "What is under that toga?"

Note: Yes, I know that a statuette is simply a small statue but then this post wouldn't have been as funny. Please keep that in mind before you send me a nasty email.

Pull Over!

Ok, I will preface this entry by saying that this isn't my idea but is definately worthy of a post on my blog. I mean, I could have tried to pass this off as my idea and no one would have known but I am a man of morals. And for any of you who know me, know that that last sentence is bullshit. Anyway, on to the post.

Everyone has tried to come up with tricks to "add" a passenger so they can drive in the carpool lane on the freeway: a mannequin, a kick boxing dummy, a balloon with a face drawn on it. I've even heard of some people trying to claim their dog counts as a passenger. Well these are nothing compared to what I just read. Some pregnant woman was given a ticket for driving alone in the carpool lane but claimed her unborn baby counted as a passenger. She lost in court but that really opens Pandora's box on when does a fetus become a passenger! Another good one is whether or not a hearse on its way to bury someone can drive in the carpool lane with the corpse in the back.

And for any of you who have seen the Saturday Night Live skit with Christopher Walken and the census could argue that a pet cougar counts as a person.

Personally, I think anyone clever enough to come up with such novel methods of beating the system deserves the benefit of the doubt. Your thoughts?