Lost Time?

Hi. I have a really good post coming in the next week or two recounting my adventures to the northernmost point in the continental United States. I am still waiting for the pictures from my cousin. This trip was similar to the one described in an earlier post recounting my adventures to the easternmost point in the United States. But I don't want to spoil a future post so I will get right into today's.

I was walking through the kitchen last night and I did something that I always do but for some reason this time it sparked a Deep Thought. Am I the only one who can't stand when there are seconds left on the microwave timer? Who are the assholes who feel the need to take their stuff out before the timer runs down to zero and not reset it? Well, being as I only live with one other person, I knew who the guilty party was. Then I started noticing people at work do the same thing. Come on people. A little decency and microwave etiquette would be much appreciated.

As a result of this observation, I am including a new Jordon's Deep Thoughts feature: the Deep Poll. (that sounds kind of dirty, doesn't it?)

Guest Blogger: My Grandfather

Every once in a while I get a request from a reader to post a blog about a certain Deep Thought they may have come up with. Most recently my grandfather, Roy Zeper, sent me a letter asking if I would do just that. Mind you, Roy Boy is 89 going on 21 and officially the oldest reader of Jordon's Deep Thoughts. Without further ado, I present "You and Your Ancestral Roots" by Roy Zeper (copyright 2006).

How many of your ancestors were alive 100 years ago? The answer...your 8 great-grandparents. How many of your ancestros were alive when Christopher Columbus discovered America? The answer will astound you.

America 1492 began as a good year. There was no industrial pollution, traffic jams, budget deficits, or income taxes [or Jordon's Deep Thoughts, amazing I know]. Also, no small pox, typhus, diptheria, or measles -- these would be gifts from the white man. And then, on October 12th, 3 ships appeared on the horizon. The lookout in the prow of the Pinta sang out "Tierra!" and Columbus raised his telescope. He was about to discover The New World. Have you ever thought about your ancestors who were alive in the year 1492? All 32,768 of them. Yes, 32,768. Let me explain. For example, take your great-great-great-great-great-grandparents. If you built a family tree starting with them, it would trace their decendants until you appear quite insignificantly somewhere along the bottom. Now, let's invert this family tree so you are at the top.

You had a father and a mother. In turn, each of your parents had 1 father and 1 mother (your 4 grandparents). Likewise, each of them had 2 parents, your 8 great-grandparents. Let's assume there are 3 generations in every century and call the first century of your ancestral roots AR1. Basically, this takes us back to 1900 A.D. Now let's continue this magical genealogical journey back another 100 years to 1800 or AR2. Your 8 great-grandparents each had 8 of their own great-grandparents. 64 ancestors; 32 men and 32 women met and had offspring that were responsible for you some 200 years later. If one of them had died before bearing their offspring, you would not be reading this today.

1492, AR5. Now, let's take another step back in time and revisit everyone's favorite explorer [except George Costanza who was partial to DeSoto] Christopher Columbus was busy sailing west to find a shorter route to India, or as many believed sailing west off the edge of the Earth. At that point in our Ancestral Roots timetable, you have a total of 32,768 ancestors walking around somewhere. [Mine were probably doing something awesome]. With these statistics you should consider yourself quite fortunate to be here today. Think of the odds of your existence some 500 years later. If only 1 of these 16,384 men or 16,384 women had died from the plague, famine, war, or disease before they reached maturity and bore their offspring, the chain would have been broken and you would not be reading this.

0, AR20. [Here's a deep thought, would 0 be B.C. or A.D.?] Baby Jesus is hanging out. I picture Baby Jesus to be wearing a tuxedo t-shirt because it means he wants to be formal, but he's here to party. Anyone get that one? The number of your ancestors has mushroomed from 32,768 just 1,500 years earlier to an astonishing 1,152,922,028,894,846,976. This is an impossible total; doesn't population grow? The mathematics are correct. There must be some logical explanation. Let's call it the Zeper Theory.

I Got The Clap

Can you believe that it has been exactly a month since my last post? That's what happens when your job requires you to actually do work. Go figure. Also, last week was spent on a much needed vacation to Mexico with the family. See picture above. And yes, my family is awesome.

Vacation was filled with tons of fun activities. We swam with whale sharks, the largest fish in the sea. They were about 30 feet long and couldn't care less that people were swimming within inches of them. And no, I wasn't scared. We went to an island where the only form of transportation was the golf cart. I think if the USA adopted a golf cart only transportation infrastructure there might be some problems with commute times. Might make working from home more appealing.

Hmm...what else did we do? My brother and I did a little ocean kayaking complete with wiping out on the reef and me cutting my hand. After this incident we tied the kayak around the reef and did a little body surfing. You wouldn't believe how fast you can go when you wear SCUBA fins. And no, my bloody hand did not attract any sharks, although that would have been awesome. We did some SCUBA diving in a cavern in the middle of the jungle complete with stalagmites and stalactites.

Anyway, I noticed something on my way home that really bothered me. Why do people clap when a plane lands successfully? I mean really. Do these people clap when they drive to the supermarket and don't crash? I find the whole thing ridiculous. These are the same people who probably take their time putting their items in the overhead while countless people wait behind them waiting to get to their seat.

This is why I don't take any carry-on items. Just my book and my ticket. I also wait until they say, "Last boarding call for flight 123 to Paradise." This way I can get up, walk right to my seat and sit down. I'm gonna be sitting in that airplane seat for the next few hours, why rush to sit down? Maybe it's for that thin blanket...I don't know.