Keeping in the same vain as my previous post entitled "Not That There's Anything Wrong With That," I will add to my weekly life update with yet another Jordon-getting-hit-on-by-a-gay-guy post. Let me give you a little background first:
Friday afternoon I make a journey to the Stamford mall, which by the way is the worst designed mall I have ever been to in my life. Go there and you will see. Anyway, I needed some new shirts to wear to the bars so I ventured into Guess. You have to be careful shopping there though because some of that stuff is way too homosexual and guido-y (i just invented that word). I have a few shirts from Guess. My ex always said I looked good in them and she was a girl. I figure a t-shirt with a cool design on it is simple, cool, and not gay. I guess I was wrong.
Friday night. I am supposed to meet this girl that goes to my gym. Score one for team Jordon. As I am going into the bar the bouncer asks me if I had already been inside tonight. I am a little confused because I just got there. He tells me that someone has a really similar shirt on. Uh oh. What is more embarassing than wearing the same shirt as someone at a bar? Well I will tell you.
Right when I get in start looking for "same-shirt-guy" and completely forget that I am supposed to be meeting a girl there. I spot the guy almost immediately and wouldn't you know it was the exact same shirt - color and all. Anyway, I find the girl I was supposed to meet and she begins introducing me to her friends. Wouldn't you know that "same-shirt-guy" is one of her friends? We both start laughing and then she tells me, "Oh don't worry, he's gay." Don't worry? Not the right thing to say at that moment.
The night continues, everyone is having a good time, and then "same-shirt-guy's" boyfriend comes up to me and says, "What size is that?" "Uh, it's a large," I respond, looking a little puzzled at his inquiry. "Because you fill it out much better than my boyfriend," he answers.
So once again I am left questioning whether to take that as a compliment or a clue that maybe I should switch teams. Not really mom, don't worry. It's just to keep in the Seinfeld vain. I took it as a compliment. Not only does that mean I have good fashion sense but all of my hours at the gym are paying off. Girls may not notice but at least someone does.
And in the words of Kenny Bania:
"I start out with curls. That's good for the bicep."
"That's fantastic."
"You work out with weights?"
"No I don't."
"You should."
"Why?"
I don't know...I just don't know. Maybe I will find the answer in a future post. Have a happy August!!!
Monday, July 31, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
Is This Movie Ever Going To End?
I must appologize for the long layoff between posts. I have not forgotten about you. I have been busy moving apartments...now the fifth place I have lived since moving to Connecticut. I am also still busy working outside everyday. It's tough being in the sunshine on the boat or walking the shores of New York City. I know, it's a tough job but someone has to do it. It is this very job that got me thinking about this post. If you don't find it funny, well too bad, I do.
Last week was a boat day. Anyway, I had to inflate the boat using a foot pump and then carry it down the 20 foot slope before we could launch it. It was also 100 degrees outside but I don't have enough cheese to go with my wine so I will stop right there. I say "we" because I was with one of my female co-workers who couldn't carry much. Good thing I have been working out. So we are motoring up the Bronx River, which goes right through the middle of the Bronx Zoo, and we come to what appears to be a dam. Unfortunately, we didn't time the tides right so there was a 6 inch ledge standing in our way. Being the super-adventurous type, I decide that we can get out and pull the inflatable boat over the ledge and continue on our way. What happens next? You guessed it, I slip on the wet dam and fall into the river. It stunk, but sure did feel good.
As I am collecting myself and my newly ruined cell phone (it was my work phone so I didn't care) I notice my foot is stuck in the quicksand at the bottom of the river. It wasn't very pleasant. So what does this have to do with anything? Well it got me thinking about that classic scene from everyone's favorite 80s movie. No, not Willow. Nope, not Labrynth with David Bowie. Guess again. That's right...The Neverending Story.
Side note: The Neverending Story is called Die Unendliche Geschichte on imdb.com. This only confirms my theory, Germans love The Neverending Story.
So remember that scene where Atrex gives into The Swamps of Sadness and sinks into the quicksand as Atreyu watches and starts crying? Well I wasn't crying but it made me think about that movie and that scene with the quicksand as I was trying to dry out so the rest of my day wouldn't be miserable.
So my question is this: Don't you think it would have been funny, that when that movie was in the theaters, they just played it on repeat so it really was The Neverending Story? How many times would you have watched it before you got up and left? Would people even get the joke? This is an experiment that should have been done. Maybe on an episode of The Twilight Zone but the theater doors were locked so nobody could escape and really had to watch the same movie for the rest of eternity. So many possibilities.
P.S. Luckily the theaters didn't do this with The Matrix because I would have killed myself first.
Last week was a boat day. Anyway, I had to inflate the boat using a foot pump and then carry it down the 20 foot slope before we could launch it. It was also 100 degrees outside but I don't have enough cheese to go with my wine so I will stop right there. I say "we" because I was with one of my female co-workers who couldn't carry much. Good thing I have been working out. So we are motoring up the Bronx River, which goes right through the middle of the Bronx Zoo, and we come to what appears to be a dam. Unfortunately, we didn't time the tides right so there was a 6 inch ledge standing in our way. Being the super-adventurous type, I decide that we can get out and pull the inflatable boat over the ledge and continue on our way. What happens next? You guessed it, I slip on the wet dam and fall into the river. It stunk, but sure did feel good.
As I am collecting myself and my newly ruined cell phone (it was my work phone so I didn't care) I notice my foot is stuck in the quicksand at the bottom of the river. It wasn't very pleasant. So what does this have to do with anything? Well it got me thinking about that classic scene from everyone's favorite 80s movie. No, not Willow. Nope, not Labrynth with David Bowie. Guess again. That's right...The Neverending Story.
Side note: The Neverending Story is called Die Unendliche Geschichte on imdb.com. This only confirms my theory, Germans love The Neverending Story.
So remember that scene where Atrex gives into The Swamps of Sadness and sinks into the quicksand as Atreyu watches and starts crying? Well I wasn't crying but it made me think about that movie and that scene with the quicksand as I was trying to dry out so the rest of my day wouldn't be miserable.
So my question is this: Don't you think it would have been funny, that when that movie was in the theaters, they just played it on repeat so it really was The Neverending Story? How many times would you have watched it before you got up and left? Would people even get the joke? This is an experiment that should have been done. Maybe on an episode of The Twilight Zone but the theater doors were locked so nobody could escape and really had to watch the same movie for the rest of eternity. So many possibilities.
P.S. Luckily the theaters didn't do this with The Matrix because I would have killed myself first.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Super-Size This!
For those of you who consistenly read my posts and try to piece together the weekly events of my awesome life you know that I am currently undergoing a physical transformation from skinny guy with really fast metabolism to adonis with even faster metabolism. For those of you who don't, well just take my word for it. I am currently a 5 out 6 on my self-created 6-pack scale. You figure it out.
Anyway, even the best combination of diet and exercise requires a few lapses to prevent my head from exploding. This past week I stopped at Wendy's for a delicious double cheeseburger. It was no bag of Double Stuff Oreos but it hit the spot. Normally I get out and walk inside so I can burn a few extra calories (I'm kidding) but this time I decided to use the drive-thru.
On a side note: When is it acceptable to use through and when is it acceptable to use thru. It seems that the fast food industry is the only ones using thru. If anyone has more information on this, then please let me know.
Back to the post. I order a value meal number 2 with a coke. The scrambled intercom says, "Would you like that medium?" I'm thinking they normally would ask me to "super-size" or "biggie-size" so I say, "yeah, that's fine." I pull around only to see the mexican woman giving me this huge drink and charging me an extra 50 cents. Apparently, Wendy's has decided that medium is the new biggie. What a load of crap that is. That has to be the sneakiest business move of all time. It used to be that there was no small; only medium, large, and biggie. Now they went back to small, medium, and large but didn't tell anyone.
And that's why I won't eat fast food again...at least until my head is about to explode.
Anyway, even the best combination of diet and exercise requires a few lapses to prevent my head from exploding. This past week I stopped at Wendy's for a delicious double cheeseburger. It was no bag of Double Stuff Oreos but it hit the spot. Normally I get out and walk inside so I can burn a few extra calories (I'm kidding) but this time I decided to use the drive-thru.
On a side note: When is it acceptable to use through and when is it acceptable to use thru. It seems that the fast food industry is the only ones using thru. If anyone has more information on this, then please let me know.
Back to the post. I order a value meal number 2 with a coke. The scrambled intercom says, "Would you like that medium?" I'm thinking they normally would ask me to "super-size" or "biggie-size" so I say, "yeah, that's fine." I pull around only to see the mexican woman giving me this huge drink and charging me an extra 50 cents. Apparently, Wendy's has decided that medium is the new biggie. What a load of crap that is. That has to be the sneakiest business move of all time. It used to be that there was no small; only medium, large, and biggie. Now they went back to small, medium, and large but didn't tell anyone.
And that's why I won't eat fast food again...at least until my head is about to explode.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To New Jersey
Happy Birthday America! What a crazy 4th of July weekend it was. Mostly sitting on the raft in the pool. People ask me what I did, I say, "I did nothing...it was fantastic." Actually I bought some fireworks using a "hole" in the new PA laws. No longer do I have to make the annual Cheifet pilgrimage to South Carolina. And for all of you idiots out there who say you can buy fireworks in other, closer states, well...you are idiots. Look it up, you can't.
Anyway, in my never-ending quest to be frugal (and get from CT to PA as quickly as possible), I decided to not get gas in CT ($3.29/gallon) where it is very overpriced and see if I could make it to the Mecca of cheap gas in the Northeast...drumroll please...New Jersey. Granted it was a good 60 miles away from work and my trip calculator said I had 60 miles to empty but I decided to go for it. Like Cosmo Kramer in that episode of Seinfeld where he drives the SAAB further left of the E than anyone in history. It was quite a thrill.
Well, long story short... I guess it's not really a long story, I just sat in my car driving as fast as possible to New Jersey. I make it to the border but of course there isn't a gas station right across the border so I have to keep driving. I get off at the first exit but of course there is no sign indicating which way to turn so I guess right. Pull up to a traffic light and ask the guy next to me where the closest gas station is. Luckily it was right around the corner. I pull in, proud of myself because I was about to pay $2.89/gallon and save $5. "Fill it up regular!" I say as the smile on my face grows. "We're all out, we just have premium." My smile turns to a frown as my savings just got cut in half.
Talk about Murphy's Law. The adrenaline rush was worth $5 but not $2.50. Oh well, lesson learned. And that lesson is...drumroll please...stop being so fucking cheap.
Happy July 4th!!!
Anyway, in my never-ending quest to be frugal (and get from CT to PA as quickly as possible), I decided to not get gas in CT ($3.29/gallon) where it is very overpriced and see if I could make it to the Mecca of cheap gas in the Northeast...drumroll please...New Jersey. Granted it was a good 60 miles away from work and my trip calculator said I had 60 miles to empty but I decided to go for it. Like Cosmo Kramer in that episode of Seinfeld where he drives the SAAB further left of the E than anyone in history. It was quite a thrill.
Well, long story short... I guess it's not really a long story, I just sat in my car driving as fast as possible to New Jersey. I make it to the border but of course there isn't a gas station right across the border so I have to keep driving. I get off at the first exit but of course there is no sign indicating which way to turn so I guess right. Pull up to a traffic light and ask the guy next to me where the closest gas station is. Luckily it was right around the corner. I pull in, proud of myself because I was about to pay $2.89/gallon and save $5. "Fill it up regular!" I say as the smile on my face grows. "We're all out, we just have premium." My smile turns to a frown as my savings just got cut in half.
Talk about Murphy's Law. The adrenaline rush was worth $5 but not $2.50. Oh well, lesson learned. And that lesson is...drumroll please...stop being so fucking cheap.
Happy July 4th!!!
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