An Obama-Nation?

Hi everybody!

Once again, I apologize for the long layoff between posts. I have been busy with my move from Connecticut to Pennsylvania. My new low-stress life should definitely allow me to increase the frequency of my posts. So right now I am living with the parents while I look for a super sweet apartment in Center City. I will keep you updated on my apartment hunting.

So being as I live all the way in the suburbs, my hour commute leaves me with plenty of time to think, ponder, and contemplate new Deep Thoughts. As we all know, we will have a new President in a couple of weeks. What an election it was with debates, rallies, and advertising -- tons and tons of advertising. I'm sure many of you tried to show your support for your favorite candidate by talking with your friends and family about their political preferences.

So on my way to work this morning I saw a car with an Obama bumper sticker. It got me thinking; how long can someone leave an election bumper sticker on their car before it's just plain obnoxious? I occasionally see people with Kerry stickers on their cars from four years ago...and he didn't even win! Talk about embarrassing. Do you think there are cars out there with Michael Dukakis bumper stickers still driving around? If you were buying a used car and there was still a George W. Bush sticker on it, would you not buy it?

These are the things I think about...

P.S. In case you were wondering, I did manage to fit yet another trip into this year. I am off to San Diego for a week to relax and eat fish tacos in two weeks. Lucky me!

P.P.S. In case you were wondering, I went to 9 countries, 2 provinces, and 14 states this year!

Phealing Phine

Hi Everyone:

So much is happening...and all of it's for the better. Where do we start? Let's see...my Phillies are in the World Series!!! That's right, the losingest team in professional sports is playing for only their second championship in 126 years. The best part is that I am going to game 4. I am moving in two weeks back to Philadelphia after two years in Hawaii and three years in Connecticut. My Penn State Nittany Lions are undefeated at 7-0 with a big game against Michigan this weekend. And then I am off to Columbus, OH to see them play Ohio State. I can't believe how much money I have been spending on tickets during the month of October. I'm also going to see world's number one DJ Armin van Buuren Halloween night.

I hope all of you vote this November. I believe that unless you vote, you have no right to complain about the President. I mean, W has an 20% approval rating but only 40% or so of Americans actually get off their fat asses, into their SUVs, and go vote. It's truly a travesty.

Anyway, my buddy Tom recently purchased a t-shirt with the phrase "I Love Asian Women" across the chest. The interesting part is that it's written in Chinese so only true Asian women will appreciate it. It's an instant conversation starter. We were trying to get it translated and I started thinking about how difficult it is to translate between languages. I'm not talking about going over each word in your head and trying to think of what it means in another language but true fluency.

Then I started thinking about whether or not sign language is different in different languages. A quick google search revealed that in fact certain signs are in fact different in different sign languages. Pretty interesting...I had no idea. So naturally I wondered whether there were actual individuals who could translate sign language. How awesome would that be? I bet there are maybe 5 people in the whole world.

Think about it. What if a deaf person travels to Mexico and meets another deaf person who only speaks (signs) Spanish? Can you imagine the exchange? It would be incredible. These are the things I think about as I sit at work trying to waste 8 hours but looking like I am busy.

Anyway, Go Phillies...Go Penn State...Happy Halloween...and Get out and vote!

PS. Notice how this was a total bipartisan post. This is America and you can vote for whomever your little heart desires.

Boutros Boutros-Ghali Who?

Guten Tag:

Once again, I will begin my blog post with a familiar greeting -- sorry for the long layoff. Call it lack of motivation, call it writer's block, call it whatever you like...I don't care.

Anyway, I just returned last week from a 10 day adventure in Europe (Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, and Slovakia). My old travel buddies -- Tom, John, and Jon -- joined me for a National Lampoon's European Vacation/EuroTrip/Hostel-like adventure. It was incredible to say the least. We travelled by air from Vienna to Munich; we travelled by train from Frankfurt to Prague; we travelled by boat from Bratislava to Vienna. We almost travelled by Segway around the Olympic Park in Munich but decided that it was just a little too gay...not that there's anything wrong with that.

It was confirmed that Americans are very loud and obnoxious and that is part of the reason the world hates us. It was confirmed that Slovakian women are by far the sexiest women in the world. It was confirmed that American beer is garbage and foreign beer doesn't give you a hangover.

I wanted to use the Segway bit as a segue to the topic of this post but there really is no connection so you'll just have to deal with it...also, that would be a really lame pun. So yeah, a few weeks ago I was in Cambridge, MA for a meeting and I was checking in with the reception lady and noticed her nameplate on the counter in front of her. I don't remember her first name but I noticed her last name was hyphenated.

I still don't understand why a woman would want to label herself as such a feminist. I mean don't they realize how other people, especially men, look down upon them. But I digress. The thing that stood out to me was the fact that both last names were the same. This woman married someone with the same last name and still felt compelled to hyphenate her last name. Are the hormonal feelings of this woman so strong that she couldn't just keep her name the same? I feel so bad for her husband. Do you remember the scene in Saving Silverman where Jason Biggs' character is so whipped that he changes his name when he gets married. Hilarious.

So I am back, Jordon's Deep Thoughts is not dead, and I will post again real soon, I promise. Until next time - auf Wiedersehen.

Fifty Nifty United States

It was fifth grade when my music teacher made us sing a song entitled, "Fifty Nifty United States." Not only was this song awesome, but it made you learn all of the states in alphabetical order...to a tune nonetheless. To this day I impress others (or embarrass myself) by reeling off all fifty states in alphabetical order in less than 15 seconds.

It was April of 2005 when I took a trip to the Big Island of Hawaii. While driving along the southern coast I looked at the map and noticed a small bit of text near the bottom that read, "Ka Lae, Southernmost point in the United States." Of course, I made it a point to drive down the dirt road to snap a picture of myself. Later that same summer, my brother and I ventured to Barrow, AK to discover that we were at the northernmost point in the United States. I thought this little bit of geographic trivia was pretty cool and promptly looked up where the other extreme points of the United States were located and just how easy it would be to get to each one.

Thus started my little quest to travel to all fifty states and the four extreme points of the United States. As of July 4, 2008, I have officially reached my goal! It was glorious. My cousin Jon (See previous posts about Maine, Minnesota, and Kansas) and my buddy John (See previous posts about Amsterdam, Dominican Republic, and Los Angeles) spent the Fourth of July weekend driving over 1800 miles for what turned out to be an awesome road trip.

Some highlights (or lowlights if you are Jon) included Jon getting in trouble for speeding three times with only one ticket to show for it, Jon getting charged $224 at an A&W restaurant for three sandwiches, and getting free passes to the British Airways lounge at JFK Airport allowing the three of us to get drunk on free alcohol. And best of all, accidentally stopping in Hope, BC to later discover it was the filming location of Rambo: First Blood.

Many deep thoughts were brought up on the long winding roads of the Pacific Northwest. Some good, some bad. Some funny, some not. Some hot, some cold. Some dry, some wet. One jumped out at me and I figured I just had to make it the topic of this post. As the conversation inevitably turned towards religion (after sex of course) the topic of good old JC came up.

I posed the following question, "Why has it become instinct for Americans to say Jesus Christ in so many instances not involving religion?" If you are scared: Jesus! If you a pissed: Jesus H. Christ! If you are in awe: Jeeesuus Christ! Why don't we say, "Socrates!"? Or perhaps, "Genghis L. Khan!"? Or even, "Siiigmuuund Freud!"? Strange don't you think? Hopefully, one day, people will exclaim, "Jordon P. Cheifet!"

(If you picked up on the Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure reference there you get two bonus points)

So I think I may be taking it easy for a while with the trips since I don't have much vacation remaining. Oh wait, who am I kidding? Trips already planned include Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Ohio. So until next time, keep on keeping on.

Jordon Cheifet, P.E.

Howdy:

I am just so excited and happy and relieved these days. I recently received news that I passed my Professional Engineering Exam. It's kind of a big deal. The P.E. Exam is basically the Bar Exam for Engineers. Two and half months of studying and being anti-social paid off. And I don't want any emails or comments saying that engineers are anti-social to begin with -- I mean we are but still...

So next week is my big trip to the Pacific Northwest. Tons of excitement here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts. As previously mentioned in this forum, it will mark the completion of my quest to go to all 50 states and the northern, southern, eastern, and westernmost points in the Continental United States. And I get to see a Seattle Mariners game which should be lovely. Also, I read that the road through Glacier National Park is still closed because of snow! It's freaking July 4th and they got 2 feet of snow last week. This is going to greatly hurt my itinerary because there is only one road through the park. But fear not, for you favorite blog protagonist will persevere.

In preparation for my trip I was watching Turistas on HBO last week. It's the story of some backpackers in Brazil who have their bus break down and stop at a local bar while the bus is being fixed. A local slips something in their drinks and they somehow end up at a house in the middle of the jungle where some guy steals their organs. It was excellent. Sounds like a standard Cheifet-family adventure.

Anyway, there was a lot of English and Portuguese being spoken in the movie between the Americans and the Brazilians (obviously). It occurred to me that since there were no subtitles I had no idea if I was watching an English movie with some Portuguese or a Portuguese movie with some English. Also, I had no idea if I was watching HBO or HBO-Latina. Now, don't yell at me saying, "Jordon you idiot, they speak Spanish in Brazil -- because they don't," or "Jordon you idiot, why would they be speaking Portuguese on HBO-Latina?" I'm just saying that I found the language oddity to be confusing. I thought I would share it with you so next time you are flipping through the channels and find something exciting to watch only to later discover it's on HBO-Latina that you can chuckle a bit think, "Oh that Jordon, he is so clever..."

Happy Summer! Now get outside and stop reading Jordon's Deep Thoughts.

More Cheifet Adventures

Okay, fasten your seat belts folks for it's time for another Deep Thought. I was told by a reader who will remain anonymous that the past few posts have begun with me apologizing for my infrequent postings. As a result, I would like to apologize for apologizing at the beginning of my posts. I am truly sorry. Does that count as apologizing again? Damn!

So I'm sure you have been on the edge of your seats wondering what is new with me. Nothing really. I recently returned from another vacation to Trinidad and Tobago -- my 21st country. It was filled with snorkeling, scuba diving, hiking (that's my dad with a cow), and losing to my brother repeatedly at Scrabble. It's so frustrating when your opponent has memorized nearly all of the two- and three-letter words. Did you know that there are nine two-letter words that don't even contain any consonants? AA, AI, AI, EA, EE, OE, OI, OO, and OU.

So I get back to the US and A and I am promptly reminded of how rude people can be. I went to the supermarket last night after a nice gym session which involved some weightlifting, stationary biking, and a lot of staring at girls who get all dolled up to workout and feel the need to wear tank tops and push up bras. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Anyway, I am standing at the deli counter patiently waiting my turn to order my turkey and cheese when I overhear the woman next to me directing the lady behind counter how thick or thin she wanted her cheese. Personally, I couldn't care less as to how thick or thin my deli meat is. Either way, I'm putting two slices of cheese and three slices of turkey between two slices of bread. Can people really taste the difference between a piece of cheese that is 3/16" and another piece of cheese that is 1/4" thick?

So this woman needed to see every other slice to confirm that the deli worker wasn't changing the thickness on her. She was barking orders like a Nazi all over a piece of Cajun turkey breast. By the way, I also got one pound of the Cajun turkey breast and it was delicious. And when the guy helping me asked if the thickness was okay I was sure to reply loud enough for her to hear, "Oh, I don't care how thick it is, makes no difference to me." Then to make things better, this woman refused to take the turkey because, for some reason, the deli lady tuned her out and just cut the fucking turkey.

So yeah, summer is almost here. I have another trip planned to the Pacific Northwest over July 4th at which point I will have been to all fifty states. Stay tuned.

P.S. Happy 21st Birthday to my brother!!!

Guest Blogger, D.D.S.

Hola! It's the first day of May, a day usually marked by warm breezes and sunny skies that your skin welcomes after 6 months of brutal winter. Unless of course you live in Hawaii like I used to where the constant warmth can lead some to go mad while in search of air conditioning, trade winds, shave ice, or the ocean. OK, so maybe it wasn't that bad but cereal was like 7 bucks a box.

So as I mentioned in the last post, it was my birthday last weekend. Always fun times. I traveled down to Hoboken, NJ where my roommate (i guess ex-roommate) had recently moved for a new job in the Big Apple. His parents helped him move so they decided it would be nice to take me out for a birthday dinner before I hit the bars with my friends. Did you know there is a bar in New York City that serves 16-ounce cans of Natural Light for only a few bucks and it smells exactly like a fraternity house? It was glorious.

I had duck for dinner and got to sit next to the great Ed Klingebiel (part-time dentist, part-time baker, part-time world traveler). He made a great observation while at dinner that I immediately thought was worthy of Jordon's Deep Thoughts post #101. He posed the following question, "Do monkeys only pick the ripe bananas when looking for food? And if so, how do they know they are ripe?" What a deep question. Have you ever tried to eat a banana that wasn't ripe yet? It's awful. Of course humans have the luxury of putting the bananas next to a refrigerator chock full of other goodies. Monkeys have bananas and more bananas. Does anyone have the number for Leaky's Angles so we can get to the bottom of this?

Look it up on Wikipedia...

Also, check out www.klingersbread.com for all of your baked good needs.

Jordon's Deep Thoughts Turns 100

Not only is my birthday coming up this weekend, but my little online creative outlet is also celebrating a birthday. That's right, this is the 100th post on Jordon's Deep Thoughts. Thanks for all the support and comments I get from readers from all over the world. It's nice to know people other than my mom reads this.

So as you may have noticed it has been well over a month since the last post. So many things have happened since then. I survived my trip to Dubai and Qatar; now I can say I have been to the only country that starts with the letter Q. I also finally took my Professional Engineering exam. I think I passed but don't find out for another 2 months.

Dubai is something else. Imagine a flat empty desert along the ocean. Then humans come in and decide to build a city with the density of New York in the middle of nowhere. And if that's not enough, they decide to build a few islands just offshore each the size of Manhattan. And for all of my female readers, the shopping is out of this world. Every designer has a store there and you can max out each of your credit cards in one afternoon. They even have a ski slope inside the mall. I bought a t-shirt, some post cards, and an Arab woman bobble head doll. And instead of deer on the side of the roads like in the United States, they have camels. It was a good trip and now I can check off my 5th continent.

So I spent the weekend in Hoboken, NJ. It's the birthplace of Frank Sinatra in case you didn't know. Anyway, I was at Foot Locker buying a new pair of cool, casual summer sneakers and the woman informed me that they only had a size 10.

Quick tangent. I don't know about you but I have very oddly shaped feet. Narrow in the back, wide in the front, crooked toes, high arch. Shoes just never fit me correctly. In my adult years I have owned shoes that varied from a size 9 -- my Chuck Taylors -- to a size 11.5 -- my old Chris Webbers. Yes, the same Chris Webber who gave me the finger at a Philadelphia 76ers game. I also had a pair of size 12 roller blades back when those were cool.

So anyway, I told her that the 10 would probably be fine. I slid my foot in and of course it was a bit tight in the width. I took a few laps around the store to double check, figuring it was probably the result of my feet being blistered and swollen from dancing in my Chuck Taylors at the Ferry Corsten (#8 Trance DJ in the world) concert the night before. Quick note, dancing in canvas shoes is not a good idea.

The Foot Locker lady asked, "How do they fit?"

I replied, "They are a bit narrow."

Her response, which confirms why she works at Foot Locker, "Try loosening the laces, the usually makes them a little looser."

I had to bite my tongue so hard not to make a sarcastic remark to that one. Did she think my IQ was 12 and that this was my first pair of shoes with laces? And why do people at Foot Locker wear striped shirts like referees? What are they refereeing?

Anyway, I am back and have a nice list of posts to quench your Deep Thought thirst. Hopefully we can hit 200 posts soon!

On the Road Again

Hi everybody:

I must appologize again for the long layoff between blog posts. It's really been a combination of two things: work and writer's block. The former I have dealt with before but the later is a whole new beast that I have had to deal with -- and I don't like it. Never in the history of Jordon's Deep Thoughts have I been truly without an idea. Regardless, I have a bunch of things I need to keep you abreast of so today's post should be a juicy one.

First of all, for you long time readers you know that I have something of the travel bug. I got it from my parents but I have taken it to a whole new level. One of my goals is to travel to every U.S. state by the time I am 30.

Quick side note: should I have simply written U. state? I mean U.S. (United States) state is kind of redundant, don't you think? But I digress.

As of a few weeks ago my state total stood at 47 of 50. All that was left was Missouri, Idaho, and Montana. Technically, I had been to Missouri when I was a kid because TWA used to have their hub in St. Louis and we used to stop there on family trips out west. But I don't count the airport as being in a state. The minimum is to drive into a state. So my cousin and I once again boarded a plane to an atypical vacation spot with the sole intention of checking a few more states off our lists. This involved driving more than 1300 miles over a 3 day period through 5 different states.

Missouri...check! Only 2 states to go...I will keep you posted. Some of the highlights included seeing the geographic center of the lower 48 states, the world's largest ball of twine, the Budweiser brewery, the St. Louis Arch, Leavenworth Prison (home of animal lover Michael Vick) and the birthplace of the world's tallest man. There was even an 8'11" bronze statue of Robert Wadlow himself. It was fantastic.

As we were driving -- I think it was through Iowa -- we started talking about girlfriends. He made the funny comment that when traveling with a significant other you should always take two pictures: one with both of you and one with just you. At first, I didn't understand why but then he explained it and it made perfect sense. If you break up, then you will still have a picture you can put in a frame and enjoy. I mean, say you go to Los Angeles and take a picture of the two of you in front of the Hollywood sign. Adorable I'm sure. A few months later you break up but you really like the picture. You wouldn't put a framed vacation picture of you and your ex on a shelf for any future dates to see, would you? It was pure genius. Of course then we realized it might not sound good when you ask your significant other to take a picture of just you. They respond with, "Why?" And you nicely respond, "So when we break up I can still remember this moment."

Let me know how that goes everyone!

Jordon's Picks...

Hi everyone. I want a appologize from the bottom of my heart for the near month long layoff from blogging. I was in a coma. Just kidding. With the holidays and work I just haven't had the time to keep you abreast of my exciting life. So what's new? Well the results of our year-long poll indicate that most people sleep naked. Fascinating. What else? I am going to Dubai and Qatar in a few weeks; i better start growing my beard so I fit in. Don't want to end up on Al Jazeera. The Super Bowl is on this weekend. I love being indifferent watching the big game. I can't decide if it's better to have your team in the game but be really nervous or not have your team in the game and just be able to watch and eat. I'm leaning towards having you team in the game but my Eagles lost so it really wasn't that enjoyable.

Moving on to the topic of today's post. I was doing my nightly activity of surfing the internet for porn and noticed a strange habit of mine. Whenever I am on the internet and there is a picture of a person or a video I am watching, I always move the cursor and pretend to pick their nose. Is that strange? I just find it amusing. Picking the virtual nose, priceless.

W. gave his final State of the Union address last night so keeping that theme, I will say that the State of the Blog is strong. We have another year ahead of us here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts and hopefully lots of changes and adventures ahead. I am currently gathering all of my politcal positions so I can attempt to brain wash everyone into voting for...

Stay tuned.

ps. I never imagined that googling "nose pick" would return a picture of W picking his nose. How perfect is that for this post?