America The Stupid

I just flew in from Staten Island and boy are my arms tired. I always thought that joke was really funny and I was looking for a post to slip it in to so there you go. My summer of trudging along the coast of New York City came to end yesterday in the lovely borough of Staten Island. In case you were wondering, Staten Island is very nice. The whole southern shore is beach with a boardwalk, big houses, and your token old man doing tai-chi in a speedo. I know what you're thinking but you are wrong...this post had nothing to do with me getting hit on by the speedo-clad Mr. Miyagi.

I was finally able to get to the gym at a normal hour yesterday and enjoy all of the eye candy. The pre-5 o'clock crowd is usually the senior circuit getting in a workout before heading to Friendly's for the early bird special. After pumping iron for a while it was time to do my 45 minutes of cardio. Usually I use a machine in the back row so I can look at all the girl's butts but Family Feud was on so I decided to watch that instead.

It was one of the old ones with Richard Dawson, fresh off his stint on Match Game '78. So the question was "When playing charades, name a way to imitate a dog." Easy right? Shake your butt as if you have a tail; roll over; go up on your hind legs and stick your tongue out. For some reason the number one answer remained hidden as family number one couldn't get the answer. Time for family two to steal. They go down the line. The family captain says, "Richard, I'm gonna go out by myself here and say..."

I'll tell what she said in a minute but first a little tangent. How does the family decide who is going to be the captain? It's a lot of responsibility. Do they vote? You know one of the other four is really pissed that they didn't get picked because they wanted more face time on national television. I always thought it was funny that the wild, family outcast was always put at the end of the table. It was usually the teenage son or crazy uncle. But I digress...

"Richard, I'm gonna go out by myself here and say...bark." Do I see "bark"? Ding. Congratualtions Johnson family, time for big money. Stop the presses folks. Last time I played charades you certainly couldn't talk, let alone make barking noises. What kind of crazy charades was the studio audience playing? Way to go America, out of 100 people, you are all stupid.