Who Cut The Cheese?

Don't worry, I can't smell anything as I sit in front of my computer but that sure would be amazing if I could. Come on Bill Gates, get working on that. Anyway, hope everyone had a nice weekend. I spent mine doing a little fishing. I even caught a fish! It was most triumphant. Another quick one today as I don't have much fluff to add.

Let me post this question to you, if you know the answer then please let me know. I was in Subway yesterday ordering my footlong grilled chicken sub on honey oat (probably the healthiest thing you can get other than the 6") and the lady behind the counter asked me what type of cheese I would like. I pretended to look at the selection as if I were really thinking when I already knew I was getting provolone because I enjoy its taste and it isn't as stong as swiss or as boring as american. Then, staring into the cheese bin through the sneeze guard, a Deep Thought occured to me. Why is the american cheese always square and the provolone is always round? Does this affect the curing process? Is it merely so people can identify it without having to smell or taste it? Have you ever seen round american cheese or square provolone cheese? I mean swiss is easy to identify. If you don't know why swiss is easy to identify then I suggest you go out right now and jump off the top of a tall building.

Even wikipedia didn't have the answer and they have everything on that website. So if you know the answer, please let me know. Otherwise, this will have to remain a Deep Thought...

It Doesn't Have a Name

Real quick one today as we started summer hours at work and I don't want to be here any longer than I have to be. First of all, you may have noticed the little map at the top of Jordon's Deep Thoughts has quite a few dots on it now. Apparently people are consistently checking in to see what ridiculous topic I will come up with next. Also, I have been receiving a lot of reader comments recently from people I don't even know. That makes me feel good so keep the praise coming. I want my ego to grow. Can you believe Wikipedia deleted the page I created about Jordon's Deep Thoughts? They said it was garbage. I may try again as worldwide readership is increasing.

On to the post. I was in my hotel room last night in Biddeford, ME and I locked the door and closed that little metal bar thingy that doesn't have a name. You know, it looks like a big U and lets you open the door just a little so you can peer out but usually just makes you curse as you open the door quickly, not realizing it is closed. Anyway, I started thinking, what if I died in the room and the fire department had to get in? You would like to think that it is impossible because the little metal bar thingy is closed. So let's assume they have some tool that lets them open it; what's to prevent a burglar from obtaining the same tool? And honestly, have you ever been in a hotel room where the little metal bar thingy actually saved your life? I doubt it. Just one more thing to make your hotel bill higher.

Jew + Gold = Denim?

Disclaimer: I am Jewish so I can make anti-semetic jokes.

Without the fact that Jews are drawn to gold, the greatest invention in the history of mankind would have never become a reality. I have a little notepad document on my computer at work where I keep track of future blog posts. I only go to it when I am out of material; it's sort of a reserve for emergencies, like Fort Knox. Anyway, the topic of today's blog post was inspired but some show I was watching on Discovery Channel about the greatest inventions in history. You can type "greatest inventions" into Google and find countless lists compiled by people from all walks of life. Most lists will include the telephone (my personal favorite until writing this blog post), the personal computer, or the printing press. Some lists compiled by out-of-the-box thinkers may include the toilet, medicine, or even the wheel.

As you might expect from reading the posts on Jordon's Deep Thoughts, I am an out-of-the-box thinker. I think there is an invention greater than all of these. First, let's examine what makes an invention truly great.

1. Do you use it almost every day?
2. Does the majority of the population use it every day?
3. Is it still around today?
4. Will it be around in the future?
5. Does it make life easier?
6. Has it seemlessly integrated itself into society?

There aren't many inventions that are the answer to all of these questions that haven't already been listed above. So what could I possibly be thinking about? Well, assuming you figured out my little clue, the answer is, of course, jeans!

Jeans were invented by the Jewish tailor Levi Strauss when he moved to San Francisco during the Gold Rush in 1853. Check him out on Wikipedia, very interesting. You are probably wearing a pair right now. They have been around for over a hundred years and I doubt we will stop wearing them in the future. You wear them to school, to work, to play, to go out. You may even have a jean jacket like Marty McFly in Back to the Future. Next time you are walking down the street, just glance around and notice how many people are wearing jeans.

You may not agree with me but just think of life without jeans. Can you imagine living in the early 19th century wearing heavy pants or living in the 18th century wearing tights? Neither can I. So I nominate Levi Strauss to be mentioned in the same breath as Benjamin Franklin, Johannes Gutenberg, and Thomas Crapper (inventor of the toilet, of course).

Now that I think of it, the fork is a pretty good invention but since such a large percentage of the population uses chopsticks instead I put the fork at number 11 on my top ten list. Also, girl's butts look really good in jeans so that's another reason I put them at number 1.

If a Log Falls in the Toilet...

We have all heard the old cliche: If a tree falls in the woods and no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? Of course, the technical answer is yes (unless the tree is in a vacuum) but the philosophical answer is maybe. So I flushed the toilet this morning before my shower and in my half-asleep state I somehow remembered that the shower would be hot as a result. So instead of jumping right in the shower I decided to brush my teeth first and then jump in. Much to my chagrin, the shower was still scalding hot. It was very upsetting.

Anyway, as I was standing there, I thought of a very good Deep Thought. When you flush the toilet, the shower gets really hot. That would lead you to believe that the toilet must use all of the cold water to fill the bowl. But how do you know? Have you ever stuck your hand in the toilet bowl after flushing it? I sure haven't. I guess the easy answer would be to ask a plumber but I feel better letting this philosophical question remain unanswered.

We Just Killed Bambi

Well in case you read my profile, you may have noticed that I turned 27 last Thursday and therefore officially entered my late 20s. I really don't care, it's just a number...besides, I am in the best shape of my life. I mean just look at that picture of me holding up a house.

A couple of things I would like to address in this post. First, I would like to give a special shoutout to loyal blog reader Jennifer who sent me an email the other day saying that she loves Jordon's Deep Thoughts. You have no idea how good this made me feel. I always thought the only people who read my blog were my parents who just kept hitting refresh to get my counter up! The Internet...It's Fantastic!

Second, I was in Maine last week for work. We were doing some post storm inspections of coastal towns. Let's just say there was some damage (again, see above photo). People, living next to the ocean is great and all but don't get mad when your house gets washed into the ocean. I'll live a few blocks from the ocean and sleep soundly at night.

Anyway, during my drive I noticed a dead deer on the side of the highway and, of couse, this got me thinking. Why are the bodies always on the shoulder? I assume the cars hit the animals on the road. Who is moving them to the side? There must be some governmental agency or department that is in charge of removing these carcases. And why don't they just remove it when the move it to the side? I highly doubt every car-deer collision results in Bambi being thrown onto the shoulder. Personally, I have never seen anyone picking up a dead deer and tossing it in the back of a pickup truck. Have you? Is this done in the middle of the night? Do these trucks just drive along every road from 2-5am looking for dead animals?

Now this is one of the great mysteries of the world that needs to be answered? Drive safely loyal readers.

Hokie Nation

Real quick insensitive blog post today as I am about to begin my week-long string of birthday parties. My birthday is Thursday the 26th in case you want to send me something. First of all, let me assure you that what happened in Blacksburg is a true tragedy and I can't imagine what it would be like to know someone who was affected by what happened. And the outporing of support is amazing, even from students at Baghdad Technical University voiced their support. I bet if this happened there that no U.S. Universities would show their support. Anyway, I would rate the following Deep Thought a 9 out of 10 on the "Oh-my-God-you-are-such-an-asshole" meter. But as a journalist I have to ask the tough questions. Can you believe they even removed my page on Wikipedia? I'm still trying to get Jordon's Deep Thoughts listed.

So here we go, and remember that here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts we stick to the motto of: If you don't like it or are offended stop reading and get your own blog.

So they reported that the victims of the shooting would be conferred honorary degrees. So my question is whether or not the shooter will also be given a degree since he was both a senior and a victim? What if his parents asked for it? Sure would put the University in a tough spot. I'm betting he won't get his degree. I mean he was an English major, how hard could it have been anyway?

Epistle to New England Drivers

To my fellow New England drivers:

You SUCK at driving!

Sincerely,

Jordon

P.S. This past Friday I took a little road trip to Boston to catch Armin Van Buuren at Avalon. It's in the shadows of Fenway Park. Ironically, I have stood outside the two most famous baseball stadiums (Fenway and Wrigley) but have not seen a game at either stadium. Anyway, the show was amazing and I was close to starting a fight with the guy who kept bumping into me while I was on my magical trance journey but cooler heads prevailed...luckily for him.

Monday night I had to drive (again) to Plymouth, MA for a meeting. The nor'easter that has been dumping huge amounts of rain on the Northeast slowed driving and made people a lot more cautious, which is understandable. Anyway, I noticed something during my drive(s): New England drivers love to drive in the left lane and just stay there. Did these people not read the driving manual that says the left lane is for passing only.

As a little side note, did you know you can make a left on red only from a one-way to a one-way? The intersection next to my gym is set up this way and I always enjoy making the left here. There is only one other person I know who gets more excited than I do when making a left on red but he will remain anonymous.

Now granted I drive kind of fast but there is no excuse for driving 65 in the left lane when the speed limit is 65. Of course, it doesn't matter which lane you are in because you should never go faster than 65 but that is another story.

So to reiterate my point in this post, New England drivers SUCK at driving. I always thought the stereotype was that New Jersey drivers are bad drivers but I guess that is not true. Thank you for allowing me to vent.

P.P.S. Format courtesy of Epistolary Blog

Survey Says?

So you are at someone's house and you have to use the facilities. You politely excuse yourself and take a seat to take care of your business. What you do in there I don't know but the other day I noticed that I always do something while I'm in the bathroom and was wondering if I am the only one.

Enter you, the reader, to give me a little feedback so I can finally determine if my bathroom habits are Abby Normal. (anyone get that one?)

Are you always disappointed if there is nothing to read such as a Sports Illustrated or Glamour? Some enterprising individuals have written books specifically meant to be read in the bathroom! It would look pretty weird if you were reading Uncle John's Bathroom Reader while sitting on an airplane. Anyway, am I the only one who finds myself opening the little cabinet under the sink and reading the back of the Comet tub cleaner hoping there is something interesting on there that will occupy my time?

"Ooh, one of the ingredients is bleach, I know what bleach is."

Wouldn't it be great if manufacturers of bathroom products put funny, little blurbs on the back of their products for situations just like these? Maybe this is a good idea, maybe I'm just full of crap, I don't know.

P.S. Did you see you can buy a toilet paper roll dispenser that you can plug your iPod in to? This would keep people entertained but they would have to call it an iPoo...

http://www.atechflash.com/products-icarta.html

Ye Olde Lame Name

Happy Friday to all. Sorry for the layoff but I have been sick. I actually had to take a sick day on a day when I was actually sick. I am very mad at myself for this one and I'm sure my dad is very disappointed with me. I'm gonna get right into this one because I really can't think of too much pre-blog-post fluff to include today.

As you know I do a lot of work throughout New England. This week was no different as I made my weekly trip to Gloucester. This week it was much nicer than the -40° F/C I encountered last time. Anyway, if you've ever driven through any New England state you have probably noticed that the town names seem very old fashioned. Also, if you have been to England, or read about it, or watched BBC, you may have realized that a lot of the town names were taken from jolly olde England. Hence New England. Not just a clever name people. Manchester, England...Manchester, New Hampshire. Not a coincidence.

So anyway, I finally decided to do a little research (on company time, of course) into the matter. Just how many names did our forefathers steal from the homeland? With a little help from Wikipedia and some crafty Excel manipulation I arrived at the answer:

Towns in England: 1319
Towns in New England: 1529
Towns with the same name: 210

That means that those lazy old dudes were so lazy that they couldn't even come up with new names for the towns the lived in. About 15% of the town names are the same. I don't know about you, but if I had the chance to settle a new country and kill some Indians in the process, I sure wouldn't name my town Fort Washington (where I am originally from). I would call it Awesomeville, or Cheifetburgh, or Vaginadelphia. That last one has a good ring to it, let's make it the Capital. I mean, you get the chance to literally write the history books but you know what, i'm too lazy and unoriginal, I can't think of anything. Here are some probable conversations had by the original settlers:

"Sally, I just bought us two tickets on the Mayflower. It leaves tonight."
"Between which two ports?"
"Uh...it leaves Plymouth, England tonight at 8 and gets to Plymouth, America in 6 months"
"Plymouth to Plymouth, that doesn't make any sense! Is that a round-trip or one-way ticket?"

(That last line is actaully pretty funny if you think about it)

--Upon arrival in Plymouth, America--

"John, stop kissing the ground, we made it."
"Sally, I know, I am just so happy to be here."
"So we left England to come to this new land? It's hot. What shall we call it?"
"Sally, stop nagging me, I'm taking a nap. How about New England?"

(You see settler John said this as a joke to shut up his annoying wife and the rest is history...or is it herstory???

PS - that photo of me at Stonehenge is in Amesbury, England not Amesbury, Massachusetts

An Inconvenient Irony?

That's right folks, mark up another victory for W and the GOP over everyone's favorite green politician Al Gore. This story just oozes irony and I felt it definately warranted an entry on Jordon's Deep Thoughts. Last week, Ann Bancroft and Liv Arnesen set out to trek 530 miles across the Arctic Ocean to bring awareness to the so-called global warming crisis facing this world today. Bancroft was the first woman to cross the North Pole in 1986 and she and Arnesen were the first women to ski across Antarctica in 2001. Needless-to-say, both women had experience in long journeys through some of the world's coldest locations.

This journey was to bring awareness to global warming by documenting the trip with scheduled updates to school groups via satellite phone. The two adventurers even packed body suits so they could swim in the areas where the polar ice had melted. Now I take exception with this last one. I am assuming a body suit is some sort of dry suit like the one I wear when I go swimming in the East River. These suits are hard enough to get on and off when it's sunny out and you can sit in the company truck. I can't imagine doing this in sub-zero temperatures at the North Pole. And I certainly can't imagine two women doing this. Just kidding, wanted to see if you were still paying attention.

Anyway, their trip came to a sudden halt when extreme cold temperatures and bouts of frostbite got in the way. Oops! According to Bancroft, the outside temperature exceeded -100°F at times. Even in the refuge of their tent, the temperature was still a frigid -58°F. And to think women are better in the cold.

Ann Atwood, an organizer of the expedition, said that Bancroft and Arnesen were "experiencing temperatures that weren't expected with global warming." While keeping her guard up to those who may use this botched expedition as an example to the failed logic in global warming, Atwood said that one of the things we see with global warming is unpredictability.

Yeah, we also see that the fight against global warming just took a step back to the Ice Age. Get it? Ice Age...global warming...nevermind. And then there's the one that Al Gore's electric bill was over $30,000 last year. Sounds like conservation to me.

I think the solution is pretty easy. Let people work from home to save gas and reduce emissions. Does anyone object to this one? I think I am going to run for President with this as the only plank in my platform. What American wouldn't vote for me?

Vote Cheifet '16
Sit on your ass and save gas

Ivy League Driving School

Last Tuesday reminded just how much I hate cold weather. Once again, I had to drive to Gloucester, MA for work. My task was to supervise a surveyor and tell him where along the coast he was to do his work. Very easy stuff but it beats being in the office behind a desk...at least until I got out of the car and felt those single digit temperatures and 30 mile per hour winds. In case you were wondering, the wind chill was around -40°F all morning. For you science nerds reading, -40°F is the same as -40°C.

Anyway, enough complaining, on to today's post. I was driving down the Mass Pike to my hotel in Gloucester and was cutoff by some asshole. If you know anything about me it's that I am a laid back guy and that extends to my driving...but only on city roads. Once I hit the highway I turn into a racecar (palindrome) driver and road rage comes easily. So I notice something that I have always thought about but never had an avenue with which to express my thoughts. Enter Jordon's Deep Thoughts.

Ah yes, the almighty college bumper/window sticker. Nothing wrong with showing some alma mater pride. I always thought it would be funny to get stickers from all of the Ivy League schools and put them on your car. That would basically say that you are smarter than everyone. My dad drives around with his Penn State and University of Hawaii stickers because he is proud of his boys but he didn't even go to those schools.

So my deep thought is as follows: Am I the only one who looks at the school name and immediately thinks of what the driver probably looks like and what type of car they are driving? Good school equals expensive car; average school equals average car. Well this guy had his Harvard University sticker proudly displayed on the back window of his rusted out Toyota Carolla. I would expect this Harvard alum to be wearing a tweed jacket and be driving a BMW. I mean at least that would explain why he thought he owned the road. But a Toyota Camry? That sounds like more of a car someone would drive if they graduated from a local community college.

But hey, who am I to judge. Oh wait, I'm the best driver alive. And don't get me started on NASCAR.

You're the Next Contestant on The Idiot Show

Real quick one today because, as I've said before, Americans are stupid and I don't want to make your brains hurt. I was sitting in my hotel room in Danvers, MA a couple nights ago and heard on TV that there is a new show called Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? WOW!!! Look what we have come to as a society. The host, Jeff Foxworthy, asks the prototypical American mom some simple question about grammar and she gets it wrong and everyone laughs. I really don't think this is funny. I think if you get any of the questions wrong on that show then you should be fined or put away or something. Totally unacceptable.

Further, that show Deal or No Deal...are you kidding me? It's one of the most popular shows on TV right now. Even the easiest of game shows require some skill: Wheel of Fortune, Family Fued; even Press Your Luck required answering some questions. Deal or No Deal is basically Russian Roulette. Actually it's just pick a number; no skill whatsoever is required.

Think about it America, one of the hardest game shows was Win Ben Stein's Money. The winner of that game only got $5,000 while the winner of Deal or No Deal can win millions. There is something really wrong here. Basically I am still bitter for not getting chosen to be on Jeopardy! but that's another story.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Provincetown

I've actually hated Subway since I was in middle school and the Indian Subway owner refused to let me redeem my SubClub card because all of the stamps weren't from his Subway. I sent a letter to corporate Subway which took care of everything. That and I got sprayed with water from a puddle from a passing truck. Recently, Subway has amazingly entered into my life:

My roommate Tom was on the same flight from Chicago as loveable former fatso Jared.

One of my favorite commercials on television right now is one featuring Jared and Michael Strahan. Now Strahan claims he is not gay but it doesn't help him that he speaks with a lisp and his line in the commercial is, "Twice the meat without slowing me down."

I ate at a subway on my way to Provincetown, MA yesterday.

Do you see the circle formed here? Provincetown is known for its gay population, Michael Strahan is not gay but probably is and was in a Subway commercial, I ate at a Subway on my way home from Provincetown, I get hit on by gay guys ALL THE TIME!

Anyway... Hey Jared from Subway, listen up. I have a problem with your precious little store. First of all, you wouldn't believe how easy it is to find a McDonald's or Wendy's at a rest stop but if you want to find some semblence of healthy food you shit of out luck. Second of all, when ordering my lunch yesterday (and countless other times) the plastic-gloved worker asks me which vegetables I would like. I say, "Everything except olives." This is followed by, "Do you want hot peppers?" Umm, hello didn't I just tell you everything? The whole point of saying everything is so I don't have to say anything else. And even then I still don't get spinach or carrots. Also, they advertise "The Works" so you don't have to say what you want but even this option doesn't include everything. It's a load of crap I say and it needs to end.

And in case you were wondering...I didn't get hit on by any gay people while in Provincetown. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

You Will Be Missed

Oh Miss May Ninety-Two,
Anna Nicole how I loved you.
Your boobs were fakes,
My heart now aches.
Forever in my memory.

What's In A Name? Part II

You may have seen the story in today's New York Times about New Jersey selling its assets to raise money. State Senator Raymond Lesniak, a Democrat from Union, NJ introduced legislation that would let the state lease the New Jersey Turnpike and Garden State Parkway for up to 75 years, steps that could raise as much as $15 billion in revenue to pay off debts and free up money for other projects. Also, another senator raised another possibility yesterday: leasing or selling the lottery, which generates hundreds of millions of dollars a year.

Can you imagine driving through New Jersey (neither can I), running low on gas, and pulling into the Vince Lombardi rest stop (see previous post) sponsored by Papa John's and eTrade? This would be hilarious. If anything, it might upgrade the terrible food that is always found at rest stops.

So this got me thinking about today's blog post. The origin of place names is pretty well documented. America is named after the Italian merchant, explorer, and cartographer Amerigo Vespucci. Pennsylvania is named after William Penn and his woods. And San Diego is, of course, from the German for a whale's vagina.

Quick, what is the capital of the United States of America? Pretty easy. Washington, D.C. Quick, who is Washington, D.C. named after? Pretty easy again. Our first president, George Washington. So here is my question: what if our first president had a funny last name like, oh to stay with the political theme, Lewinsky. Would we still have named the capital of the United States of America Lewinski, D.C.? Doesn't quite have the same ring to it. Or what if the first president was named George Acey? At the time the founding fathers would have thought to themselves, "Yes, let's call the capital of this great land Acey, D.C. after out first president." How funny would this have been in modern times?

Get it? Acey, D.C. Oh nevermind.

Black Sunday

I really wrestled with the title of this blog post. Like many great writers, I don't give my work a title until I have completed it. This time though, two titles came to me at the same time. The other title was "A Black Sherriff?" made popular in the classic Mel Brooks movie Blazing Saddles. Now I am assuming that you can begin to guess what the subject matter of this blog post is going to be. Yes, it has something to do with the color black. And I can assure you that here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts I never shy away from being politically incorrect, just see my award winning coverage of September 11th and Hurricane Katrina.

As you all should know, this upcoming Sunday is Super Bowl XLI (41 for the Roman numeral impaired readers). Now, my collegues in the media feel the need to write countless stories about two subjects, both associated with blacks and the NFL. It is these two subjects that I will spend the next few paragraphs venting about.

First, unless you have been living under a rock...or don't want anything to do with sports...you know that this is the first Super Bowl to feature a black coach (actually both coaches are black). Personally, the fact that these coaches were black didn't even occur to me until the media brought it up. This was the same as a couple years ago when Donovan McChoke led the Philadelphia Eagles to the Super Bowl. The media quickly said that he would be one of the first black quarterbacks to take his team to the Super Bowl. I think a lot of people have become color blind. They see a lot of these black athletes as simply athletes and only when the media reminds them of their color do we say, "Oh yeah, I guess he is black but so what?" If these minorities want to stop being discriminated against, stop reminding everyone that you are, in fact, a minority. Even Kobe Bryant was quoted recently as saying, "Hopefully there will come a day when we just look at them as coaches and not black coaches." Umm...Hello...that was your big chance idiot and now you haven't made any progress because you fell right into the media's trap. Congratulations.

Second, and this one really pisses me off. Being an engineer with some common sense, I like to use numbers to explain things and support my arguments. The sports media, specifically in football, is always talking about the hiring of minority coaches. Personally, I feel that the most qualified candidate should get the job and I don't think that view is racist in the least bit. I read a book entitled The End of Racism by Dinesh D'Souza where the author speaks of the idea of "fighting racism by practicing it." This all goes back to affirmative action but I am not about to tackle that idea in one blog post.

Anyway, my point is that the media says there are not enough black head coaches in the NFL. I just checked, last season there were 7 black head coaches in the NFL. There are 32 teams. That comes out to 22%. According to the U.S. Census Bureau the percentage of the U.S. population that is black is 12.3%. If you do that math that means there should be 4 black head coaches.

Translation: quit your complaining and everything will be fine.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: this is my blog, if you don't like it or agree with it, don't read it. But please leave me a comment!

Hail To The Bus Driver

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BLOG ALERT

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This blog post was originally posted in an AOL Instant Messenger away message in 2000. The details have been changed to make it more understandable to my readers from so many different backgrounds. (I have people checking out my blog from Austria, Spain, and Sweden) Only those attending The Pennsylvania State University would have understood the original post about The Loop.

Remember in elementary school when you were riding the bus to school and all of the bus drivers would wave to each other? Do you think they are really friends? I would bet every bus driver is a walking time bomb waiting to go off. Imagine driving around 40 screaming kids 6 times a day (elementary, middle, and high school AM/PM). Those bus drivers probably hate everybody.

Also, do you think the drivers of the regular school buses shun the drivers of the short buses? And remember those buses with the seat belts? How about the buses with five across in the last row?

I'll also never forget when my friend Mike tied Owen Murphy's shoelace to the seat and he couldn't get it untied before his stop came so the bus driver made him go all the way back to the bus garage where she cut his shoelace. And then he had to walk home in the pouring rain instead of getting dropped off near his house. So that confirms it, bus drivers are just angry people who are friend with nobody, not even their co-workers.

What's In A Name?

In case you didn't know, I have moved to the Stamford office. If you don't watch The Office on NBC then you won't get that joke. But seriously, I did move this past week to a lovely new apartment in Stamford. It's the 6th place I've lived in since moving to Connecticut only 16 months ago. Talk about staying mobile. This only adds 5 minutes to my commute so I can still make it to work in about 30 minutes which is fine.

Anyway, I was driving to work this morning and happened to glance up at one of the signs above I-95.

Quick sidenote: Did you know that in California people say "The 5" instead of simply "5"?

So, the sign said Connecticut Welcome Center, 1 Mile. I have seen these signs a number of times all over the country but I can't say I remember thinking to myself, "I better stop, maybe there will be people in there who will be happy to see me. Maybe give me a small 'welcome gift bag' of goodies only found in that state." From what I can remember from all my stops at rests stops I don't remember anything like this. No balloon arch that says, "Welcome to (Insert State Here)". No cute girls handing out gift bags while wearing some sort of local attire. Usually it's just a dirty bathroom with a couple of vending machines. I think we should start writing out congressmen and state DOTs to remedy this clear violation of advertising integrity. Who's with me???

Mmmm...hamburgers

Happy New Year everyone!!! Hope you and yours had a pleasant holiday season...now go join a gym and get rid of that extra weight you gained. I spent last week gallivanting around Benelux (Belgium, The Netherlands, and Luxembourg). It was amazing. The one thing I noticed while there, besides how hot the prostitutes are in the Red Light District of Amsterdam, was how hot the non-prostitutes are. I would say 99% of the women there are over 5'10" and weigh no more than 125 pounds. Lots of eye candy to go around.

I also realized why the women are so much different there than here in the U.S. and A. They exercise...all the time. Instead of driving to your favorite supermarket or to the Starbucks drive-thru, they ride bicycles. Seriously, they were everywhere. The even have their own lane on the road. The parking lots were filled with bicycles instead of big SUVs.

This experience reminded me of a post I was going to make a few months ago but never got around to it. I was in Burger King and saw something that me very embarrassed to be an American. Here's something interesting for you to ponder:

Gillette introduced their first razor in 1901 (1 blade); the Trac II razor in 1971 (2 blades); the Mach 3 in 1998 (3 blades); Schick introduced the Quattro in 2003 (4 blades); and Gillette countered by introducing the Fusion in 2006 (5 blades). That comes out to 1 additional blade every 25 years or so. Seems okay.

Burger King sold their first hamburger in 1954 and they just introduced The Quad. What is The Quad you may ask? That's right, a hamburger with 4, count 'em, 4 patties. That comes out to 1 additional patty every 15 years or so. Seems okay.

What have we come to as a society? At this rate, by the time I die (100 years old by the way), I will be shaving with a razor with 8 blades and eating hamburgers with 10 patties. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, most girls like a guy clean shaven, right? Too bad they don't like guys who weigh 500 pounds. Most people think the government should probably do something, I say use some common sense and stick to the Mach 3 and Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Mmm, that sure does sound good right about now, doesn't it?

Who Died?

Real quick one today as I leave for my trip to Belgium, Holland, and Luxembourg in a few hours. I was driving home the other day and noticed a flag at half mast. Of course, I asked myself, "Who died?" I had no idea; it wasn't 9/11 and I don't think W died (Although I am skeptical that people would even honor him with the flying of the flags at half mast but that's the subject of another blog post entirely). Then it occured to me; I think all flagpoles should be outfitted with a small marquee at the top with a place for a name so everyone can say to themselves, "Who died? Oh, John Q. Public died. I have no idea who that is but I am going to go home and Google him so I can pay him proper respect."

What do you think? Anyone out there want to invest in my new flag pole company?