Kiss My Grits

They say people should leave the world a better place than when they came into it, right? Most people probably fail to do this. I mean really, what have you done to improve the world? Everyone can't invent the telephone or find a cure for polio. Which reminds me of a funny scene in Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry David is talking about Jonas Salk's mother (Dora in case you were wondering). He said that when she would go out to lunch with her girlfriends and they would all talk about what their children are doing. My son just bought a car, my daughter just had a baby, my son just got married, and then Mrs. Salk says, "Little Jonas just found a cure for polio." That sure would shut the other yentas up. He was Jewish by the way. I wonder if disliked Christmas songs being played in November too?

Anyway, when I was in 12th grade I had study hall first period of the day. This kind of sucked because you didn't have any homework yet that you could do so you wouldn't have to bring any books home and you still had to come in for homeroom because they wouldn't let you sleep late and come in for the beginning of second period. Idiots. Anyway, we used to sit around talking about stupid things and one day I decided that I wanted to come up with something that would change the world and culture. What brilliant idea did I come up with?

Some sneezes. The following exchange takes place:

"Achoo"

"Bless you"

"Thank you"

"You're welcome"

I wondered why does it have to stop there? I decided that we should add something else to the exchange...something following "You're welcome." And what did I decide should be the next phrase that enters the English lexicon? "Grits." That's right, I thought it would be really funny if we just started saying "Grits."

"Achoo"

"Bless you"

"Thank you"

"You're welcome"

"Grits"

Let's just say it only worked for a week or two before we decided it was the stupidest thing ever conceived by man. But now on to the purpose of my post. My buddy got married a few weeks ago and I just received his thank you note for the the lovely gift I gave him. As I was reading it, I began to wonder why they don't sell "You're Welcome" cards. I would buy these. Wouldn't this be hilarious. And who knows, maybe one day the "You're Welcome" cards will be standard and they will start selling "Grits" cards.

I highly doubt it but one can always hope. And as I lay on my death bed, I can close my eyes knowing that I left the world a better place. Take that Jonas Salk.