An Obama-Nation?

Hi everybody!

Once again, I apologize for the long layoff between posts. I have been busy with my move from Connecticut to Pennsylvania. My new low-stress life should definitely allow me to increase the frequency of my posts. So right now I am living with the parents while I look for a super sweet apartment in Center City. I will keep you updated on my apartment hunting.

So being as I live all the way in the suburbs, my hour commute leaves me with plenty of time to think, ponder, and contemplate new Deep Thoughts. As we all know, we will have a new President in a couple of weeks. What an election it was with debates, rallies, and advertising -- tons and tons of advertising. I'm sure many of you tried to show your support for your favorite candidate by talking with your friends and family about their political preferences.

So on my way to work this morning I saw a car with an Obama bumper sticker. It got me thinking; how long can someone leave an election bumper sticker on their car before it's just plain obnoxious? I occasionally see people with Kerry stickers on their cars from four years ago...and he didn't even win! Talk about embarrassing. Do you think there are cars out there with Michael Dukakis bumper stickers still driving around? If you were buying a used car and there was still a George W. Bush sticker on it, would you not buy it?

These are the things I think about...

P.S. In case you were wondering, I did manage to fit yet another trip into this year. I am off to San Diego for a week to relax and eat fish tacos in two weeks. Lucky me!

P.P.S. In case you were wondering, I went to 9 countries, 2 provinces, and 14 states this year!

Phealing Phine

Hi Everyone:

So much is happening...and all of it's for the better. Where do we start? Let's see...my Phillies are in the World Series!!! That's right, the losingest team in professional sports is playing for only their second championship in 126 years. The best part is that I am going to game 4. I am moving in two weeks back to Philadelphia after two years in Hawaii and three years in Connecticut. My Penn State Nittany Lions are undefeated at 7-0 with a big game against Michigan this weekend. And then I am off to Columbus, OH to see them play Ohio State. I can't believe how much money I have been spending on tickets during the month of October. I'm also going to see world's number one DJ Armin van Buuren Halloween night.

I hope all of you vote this November. I believe that unless you vote, you have no right to complain about the President. I mean, W has an 20% approval rating but only 40% or so of Americans actually get off their fat asses, into their SUVs, and go vote. It's truly a travesty.

Anyway, my buddy Tom recently purchased a t-shirt with the phrase "I Love Asian Women" across the chest. The interesting part is that it's written in Chinese so only true Asian women will appreciate it. It's an instant conversation starter. We were trying to get it translated and I started thinking about how difficult it is to translate between languages. I'm not talking about going over each word in your head and trying to think of what it means in another language but true fluency.

Then I started thinking about whether or not sign language is different in different languages. A quick google search revealed that in fact certain signs are in fact different in different sign languages. Pretty interesting...I had no idea. So naturally I wondered whether there were actual individuals who could translate sign language. How awesome would that be? I bet there are maybe 5 people in the whole world.

Think about it. What if a deaf person travels to Mexico and meets another deaf person who only speaks (signs) Spanish? Can you imagine the exchange? It would be incredible. These are the things I think about as I sit at work trying to waste 8 hours but looking like I am busy.

Anyway, Go Phillies...Go Penn State...Happy Halloween...and Get out and vote!

PS. Notice how this was a total bipartisan post. This is America and you can vote for whomever your little heart desires.

Boutros Boutros-Ghali Who?

Guten Tag:

Once again, I will begin my blog post with a familiar greeting -- sorry for the long layoff. Call it lack of motivation, call it writer's block, call it whatever you like...I don't care.

Anyway, I just returned last week from a 10 day adventure in Europe (Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, and Slovakia). My old travel buddies -- Tom, John, and Jon -- joined me for a National Lampoon's European Vacation/EuroTrip/Hostel-like adventure. It was incredible to say the least. We travelled by air from Vienna to Munich; we travelled by train from Frankfurt to Prague; we travelled by boat from Bratislava to Vienna. We almost travelled by Segway around the Olympic Park in Munich but decided that it was just a little too gay...not that there's anything wrong with that.

It was confirmed that Americans are very loud and obnoxious and that is part of the reason the world hates us. It was confirmed that Slovakian women are by far the sexiest women in the world. It was confirmed that American beer is garbage and foreign beer doesn't give you a hangover.

I wanted to use the Segway bit as a segue to the topic of this post but there really is no connection so you'll just have to deal with it...also, that would be a really lame pun. So yeah, a few weeks ago I was in Cambridge, MA for a meeting and I was checking in with the reception lady and noticed her nameplate on the counter in front of her. I don't remember her first name but I noticed her last name was hyphenated.

I still don't understand why a woman would want to label herself as such a feminist. I mean don't they realize how other people, especially men, look down upon them. But I digress. The thing that stood out to me was the fact that both last names were the same. This woman married someone with the same last name and still felt compelled to hyphenate her last name. Are the hormonal feelings of this woman so strong that she couldn't just keep her name the same? I feel so bad for her husband. Do you remember the scene in Saving Silverman where Jason Biggs' character is so whipped that he changes his name when he gets married. Hilarious.

So I am back, Jordon's Deep Thoughts is not dead, and I will post again real soon, I promise. Until next time - auf Wiedersehen.

Fifty Nifty United States

It was fifth grade when my music teacher made us sing a song entitled, "Fifty Nifty United States." Not only was this song awesome, but it made you learn all of the states in alphabetical order...to a tune nonetheless. To this day I impress others (or embarrass myself) by reeling off all fifty states in alphabetical order in less than 15 seconds.

It was April of 2005 when I took a trip to the Big Island of Hawaii. While driving along the southern coast I looked at the map and noticed a small bit of text near the bottom that read, "Ka Lae, Southernmost point in the United States." Of course, I made it a point to drive down the dirt road to snap a picture of myself. Later that same summer, my brother and I ventured to Barrow, AK to discover that we were at the northernmost point in the United States. I thought this little bit of geographic trivia was pretty cool and promptly looked up where the other extreme points of the United States were located and just how easy it would be to get to each one.

Thus started my little quest to travel to all fifty states and the four extreme points of the United States. As of July 4, 2008, I have officially reached my goal! It was glorious. My cousin Jon (See previous posts about Maine, Minnesota, and Kansas) and my buddy John (See previous posts about Amsterdam, Dominican Republic, and Los Angeles) spent the Fourth of July weekend driving over 1800 miles for what turned out to be an awesome road trip.

Some highlights (or lowlights if you are Jon) included Jon getting in trouble for speeding three times with only one ticket to show for it, Jon getting charged $224 at an A&W restaurant for three sandwiches, and getting free passes to the British Airways lounge at JFK Airport allowing the three of us to get drunk on free alcohol. And best of all, accidentally stopping in Hope, BC to later discover it was the filming location of Rambo: First Blood.

Many deep thoughts were brought up on the long winding roads of the Pacific Northwest. Some good, some bad. Some funny, some not. Some hot, some cold. Some dry, some wet. One jumped out at me and I figured I just had to make it the topic of this post. As the conversation inevitably turned towards religion (after sex of course) the topic of good old JC came up.

I posed the following question, "Why has it become instinct for Americans to say Jesus Christ in so many instances not involving religion?" If you are scared: Jesus! If you a pissed: Jesus H. Christ! If you are in awe: Jeeesuus Christ! Why don't we say, "Socrates!"? Or perhaps, "Genghis L. Khan!"? Or even, "Siiigmuuund Freud!"? Strange don't you think? Hopefully, one day, people will exclaim, "Jordon P. Cheifet!"

(If you picked up on the Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure reference there you get two bonus points)

So I think I may be taking it easy for a while with the trips since I don't have much vacation remaining. Oh wait, who am I kidding? Trips already planned include Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Ohio. So until next time, keep on keeping on.

Jordon Cheifet, P.E.

Howdy:

I am just so excited and happy and relieved these days. I recently received news that I passed my Professional Engineering Exam. It's kind of a big deal. The P.E. Exam is basically the Bar Exam for Engineers. Two and half months of studying and being anti-social paid off. And I don't want any emails or comments saying that engineers are anti-social to begin with -- I mean we are but still...

So next week is my big trip to the Pacific Northwest. Tons of excitement here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts. As previously mentioned in this forum, it will mark the completion of my quest to go to all 50 states and the northern, southern, eastern, and westernmost points in the Continental United States. And I get to see a Seattle Mariners game which should be lovely. Also, I read that the road through Glacier National Park is still closed because of snow! It's freaking July 4th and they got 2 feet of snow last week. This is going to greatly hurt my itinerary because there is only one road through the park. But fear not, for you favorite blog protagonist will persevere.

In preparation for my trip I was watching Turistas on HBO last week. It's the story of some backpackers in Brazil who have their bus break down and stop at a local bar while the bus is being fixed. A local slips something in their drinks and they somehow end up at a house in the middle of the jungle where some guy steals their organs. It was excellent. Sounds like a standard Cheifet-family adventure.

Anyway, there was a lot of English and Portuguese being spoken in the movie between the Americans and the Brazilians (obviously). It occurred to me that since there were no subtitles I had no idea if I was watching an English movie with some Portuguese or a Portuguese movie with some English. Also, I had no idea if I was watching HBO or HBO-Latina. Now, don't yell at me saying, "Jordon you idiot, they speak Spanish in Brazil -- because they don't," or "Jordon you idiot, why would they be speaking Portuguese on HBO-Latina?" I'm just saying that I found the language oddity to be confusing. I thought I would share it with you so next time you are flipping through the channels and find something exciting to watch only to later discover it's on HBO-Latina that you can chuckle a bit think, "Oh that Jordon, he is so clever..."

Happy Summer! Now get outside and stop reading Jordon's Deep Thoughts.

More Cheifet Adventures

Okay, fasten your seat belts folks for it's time for another Deep Thought. I was told by a reader who will remain anonymous that the past few posts have begun with me apologizing for my infrequent postings. As a result, I would like to apologize for apologizing at the beginning of my posts. I am truly sorry. Does that count as apologizing again? Damn!

So I'm sure you have been on the edge of your seats wondering what is new with me. Nothing really. I recently returned from another vacation to Trinidad and Tobago -- my 21st country. It was filled with snorkeling, scuba diving, hiking (that's my dad with a cow), and losing to my brother repeatedly at Scrabble. It's so frustrating when your opponent has memorized nearly all of the two- and three-letter words. Did you know that there are nine two-letter words that don't even contain any consonants? AA, AI, AI, EA, EE, OE, OI, OO, and OU.

So I get back to the US and A and I am promptly reminded of how rude people can be. I went to the supermarket last night after a nice gym session which involved some weightlifting, stationary biking, and a lot of staring at girls who get all dolled up to workout and feel the need to wear tank tops and push up bras. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Anyway, I am standing at the deli counter patiently waiting my turn to order my turkey and cheese when I overhear the woman next to me directing the lady behind counter how thick or thin she wanted her cheese. Personally, I couldn't care less as to how thick or thin my deli meat is. Either way, I'm putting two slices of cheese and three slices of turkey between two slices of bread. Can people really taste the difference between a piece of cheese that is 3/16" and another piece of cheese that is 1/4" thick?

So this woman needed to see every other slice to confirm that the deli worker wasn't changing the thickness on her. She was barking orders like a Nazi all over a piece of Cajun turkey breast. By the way, I also got one pound of the Cajun turkey breast and it was delicious. And when the guy helping me asked if the thickness was okay I was sure to reply loud enough for her to hear, "Oh, I don't care how thick it is, makes no difference to me." Then to make things better, this woman refused to take the turkey because, for some reason, the deli lady tuned her out and just cut the fucking turkey.

So yeah, summer is almost here. I have another trip planned to the Pacific Northwest over July 4th at which point I will have been to all fifty states. Stay tuned.

P.S. Happy 21st Birthday to my brother!!!

Guest Blogger, D.D.S.

Hola! It's the first day of May, a day usually marked by warm breezes and sunny skies that your skin welcomes after 6 months of brutal winter. Unless of course you live in Hawaii like I used to where the constant warmth can lead some to go mad while in search of air conditioning, trade winds, shave ice, or the ocean. OK, so maybe it wasn't that bad but cereal was like 7 bucks a box.

So as I mentioned in the last post, it was my birthday last weekend. Always fun times. I traveled down to Hoboken, NJ where my roommate (i guess ex-roommate) had recently moved for a new job in the Big Apple. His parents helped him move so they decided it would be nice to take me out for a birthday dinner before I hit the bars with my friends. Did you know there is a bar in New York City that serves 16-ounce cans of Natural Light for only a few bucks and it smells exactly like a fraternity house? It was glorious.

I had duck for dinner and got to sit next to the great Ed Klingebiel (part-time dentist, part-time baker, part-time world traveler). He made a great observation while at dinner that I immediately thought was worthy of Jordon's Deep Thoughts post #101. He posed the following question, "Do monkeys only pick the ripe bananas when looking for food? And if so, how do they know they are ripe?" What a deep question. Have you ever tried to eat a banana that wasn't ripe yet? It's awful. Of course humans have the luxury of putting the bananas next to a refrigerator chock full of other goodies. Monkeys have bananas and more bananas. Does anyone have the number for Leaky's Angles so we can get to the bottom of this?

Look it up on Wikipedia...

Also, check out www.klingersbread.com for all of your baked good needs.

Jordon's Deep Thoughts Turns 100

Not only is my birthday coming up this weekend, but my little online creative outlet is also celebrating a birthday. That's right, this is the 100th post on Jordon's Deep Thoughts. Thanks for all the support and comments I get from readers from all over the world. It's nice to know people other than my mom reads this.

So as you may have noticed it has been well over a month since the last post. So many things have happened since then. I survived my trip to Dubai and Qatar; now I can say I have been to the only country that starts with the letter Q. I also finally took my Professional Engineering exam. I think I passed but don't find out for another 2 months.

Dubai is something else. Imagine a flat empty desert along the ocean. Then humans come in and decide to build a city with the density of New York in the middle of nowhere. And if that's not enough, they decide to build a few islands just offshore each the size of Manhattan. And for all of my female readers, the shopping is out of this world. Every designer has a store there and you can max out each of your credit cards in one afternoon. They even have a ski slope inside the mall. I bought a t-shirt, some post cards, and an Arab woman bobble head doll. And instead of deer on the side of the roads like in the United States, they have camels. It was a good trip and now I can check off my 5th continent.

So I spent the weekend in Hoboken, NJ. It's the birthplace of Frank Sinatra in case you didn't know. Anyway, I was at Foot Locker buying a new pair of cool, casual summer sneakers and the woman informed me that they only had a size 10.

Quick tangent. I don't know about you but I have very oddly shaped feet. Narrow in the back, wide in the front, crooked toes, high arch. Shoes just never fit me correctly. In my adult years I have owned shoes that varied from a size 9 -- my Chuck Taylors -- to a size 11.5 -- my old Chris Webbers. Yes, the same Chris Webber who gave me the finger at a Philadelphia 76ers game. I also had a pair of size 12 roller blades back when those were cool.

So anyway, I told her that the 10 would probably be fine. I slid my foot in and of course it was a bit tight in the width. I took a few laps around the store to double check, figuring it was probably the result of my feet being blistered and swollen from dancing in my Chuck Taylors at the Ferry Corsten (#8 Trance DJ in the world) concert the night before. Quick note, dancing in canvas shoes is not a good idea.

The Foot Locker lady asked, "How do they fit?"

I replied, "They are a bit narrow."

Her response, which confirms why she works at Foot Locker, "Try loosening the laces, the usually makes them a little looser."

I had to bite my tongue so hard not to make a sarcastic remark to that one. Did she think my IQ was 12 and that this was my first pair of shoes with laces? And why do people at Foot Locker wear striped shirts like referees? What are they refereeing?

Anyway, I am back and have a nice list of posts to quench your Deep Thought thirst. Hopefully we can hit 200 posts soon!

On the Road Again

Hi everybody:

I must appologize again for the long layoff between blog posts. It's really been a combination of two things: work and writer's block. The former I have dealt with before but the later is a whole new beast that I have had to deal with -- and I don't like it. Never in the history of Jordon's Deep Thoughts have I been truly without an idea. Regardless, I have a bunch of things I need to keep you abreast of so today's post should be a juicy one.

First of all, for you long time readers you know that I have something of the travel bug. I got it from my parents but I have taken it to a whole new level. One of my goals is to travel to every U.S. state by the time I am 30.

Quick side note: should I have simply written U. state? I mean U.S. (United States) state is kind of redundant, don't you think? But I digress.

As of a few weeks ago my state total stood at 47 of 50. All that was left was Missouri, Idaho, and Montana. Technically, I had been to Missouri when I was a kid because TWA used to have their hub in St. Louis and we used to stop there on family trips out west. But I don't count the airport as being in a state. The minimum is to drive into a state. So my cousin and I once again boarded a plane to an atypical vacation spot with the sole intention of checking a few more states off our lists. This involved driving more than 1300 miles over a 3 day period through 5 different states.

Missouri...check! Only 2 states to go...I will keep you posted. Some of the highlights included seeing the geographic center of the lower 48 states, the world's largest ball of twine, the Budweiser brewery, the St. Louis Arch, Leavenworth Prison (home of animal lover Michael Vick) and the birthplace of the world's tallest man. There was even an 8'11" bronze statue of Robert Wadlow himself. It was fantastic.

As we were driving -- I think it was through Iowa -- we started talking about girlfriends. He made the funny comment that when traveling with a significant other you should always take two pictures: one with both of you and one with just you. At first, I didn't understand why but then he explained it and it made perfect sense. If you break up, then you will still have a picture you can put in a frame and enjoy. I mean, say you go to Los Angeles and take a picture of the two of you in front of the Hollywood sign. Adorable I'm sure. A few months later you break up but you really like the picture. You wouldn't put a framed vacation picture of you and your ex on a shelf for any future dates to see, would you? It was pure genius. Of course then we realized it might not sound good when you ask your significant other to take a picture of just you. They respond with, "Why?" And you nicely respond, "So when we break up I can still remember this moment."

Let me know how that goes everyone!

Jordon's Picks...

Hi everyone. I want a appologize from the bottom of my heart for the near month long layoff from blogging. I was in a coma. Just kidding. With the holidays and work I just haven't had the time to keep you abreast of my exciting life. So what's new? Well the results of our year-long poll indicate that most people sleep naked. Fascinating. What else? I am going to Dubai and Qatar in a few weeks; i better start growing my beard so I fit in. Don't want to end up on Al Jazeera. The Super Bowl is on this weekend. I love being indifferent watching the big game. I can't decide if it's better to have your team in the game but be really nervous or not have your team in the game and just be able to watch and eat. I'm leaning towards having you team in the game but my Eagles lost so it really wasn't that enjoyable.

Moving on to the topic of today's post. I was doing my nightly activity of surfing the internet for porn and noticed a strange habit of mine. Whenever I am on the internet and there is a picture of a person or a video I am watching, I always move the cursor and pretend to pick their nose. Is that strange? I just find it amusing. Picking the virtual nose, priceless.

W. gave his final State of the Union address last night so keeping that theme, I will say that the State of the Blog is strong. We have another year ahead of us here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts and hopefully lots of changes and adventures ahead. I am currently gathering all of my politcal positions so I can attempt to brain wash everyone into voting for...

Stay tuned.

ps. I never imagined that googling "nose pick" would return a picture of W picking his nose. How perfect is that for this post?

It's a Jump to Conclusions Mat

Happy Holidays to all my loyal readers out there. I can't believe it has been almost a month since my last post; my sincerest apologies. In case you were wondering I have all of my travel plans for 2008 set. If you are reading from one of the places listed below please say hi and give me some travel tips. Heck, I may even drop by to say hello. Some of the highlights will include Dubai, Qatar, Trinidad and Tobago, and Germany. Of course this doesn't include my many spontaneous trips which tentatively include Las Vegas, Seattle, Montana, Idaho, Alberta, New Orleans, Montreal, and any other country bordering Germany. But don't worry, there is still plenty of room in my passport.

Only a few days left to vote in the "What do you sleep in?" poll. So far, surprisingly, sleeping naked is the most popular overnight apparel.

Today's topic is sort of a combination of other Deep Thoughts and a recent post left by my cousin on his blog. It has to with history and where modern day ideas, products, and sayings originated. I was sitting on the couch talking to my roommate and I posed the following question, "Do you think if you were born about 100 years ago that you would have invented something like Velcro?"

Think about it. How many times have you seen an invention and thought to yourself, "That is so simple, how come I didn't think of that?" I mean come on people, Velcro, a ruler, that little clip you put on your potato chip bag. I would like to think I could have thought of one of those things but I guess I was just a little too late. Thanks mom and dad. I mean, I could have made a million dollars.

But hey, soon it will be 2008. A new year. A chance to start fresh full of new ideas, new Deep Thoughts, new adventures and maybe, just maybe, I can think of something new that will change the world. Until then I will have to hope my little blog makes each of my readers laugh a little bit which is good enough for me.

Have a safe, happy, and healthy Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year.

P.S. Hopefully my Hawaii Warriors can keep the aloha going against Georgia. Go UH!

Going Back to Cali

It's been a while so here's a nice, juicy post to quench your Deep Thoughts thirst. First, a little gratuitous skin shot for all my loyal readers who have been wondering how awesome I look without a shirt on. This picture is the result of my travel buddies Tom and John thinking it would be funny to have a shirt on and a shirt off picture in the same photo album. It has gotten a few laughs.

So why you may ask was I standing in front of the Hollywood sign? Well my neverending quest to see all of the Top 10 trance/electronica DJs in the world took me to Los Angeles two weekends ago to see number 10: David Guetta. We were actually in LA for less than 48 hours. That's right, we flew out of New York Friday night and returned Sunday night. It was truly an extreme trip. We hit up Santa Monica, Venice Beach (no, I didn't get in a quick workout at Muscle Beach), the La Brea Tar Pits, Wahoo's Fish Tacos, In N' Out Burger, Sunset Tan, and most importantly, the Playboy Masion. Amazingly, they didn't let us in but we took plenty of provacative pictures in front of the gate at the end of the driveway.

As we were sitting on the airplane, my brother, who was also on an airplane at the same time on his way to Denmark, sent me a text message with two quality Deep Thoughts. The first dealt with how people can't find their seat on an airplane. I have to agree with him on this one. You have to figure that the average person has flown at least once in their lifetime. Further, if they didn't know how to find their seat on the outbound flight, then they surely learned and were able to tackle that task on the return flight. Therefore, anyone boarding an airplane is probably doing it, at a minimum, for the third time. Also, it's not like the seats aren't labeled. You don't have to count the rows and seats as you walk toward the back of the plane. It says right above the seat: 36D. As a total pervert, I would be very excited to be assigned this seat number but I digress.

The second had to do with the Bureau de Change, or for those of you who don't travel, the place where you exchange local money. When you exchange money you are always given a receipt. This way you can walk away trying to figure out how much money you lost because the US economy sucks and the Dollar isn't worth anything anymore. Anyway, his question was whether or not you could return the money instead of exchanging it back to US Dollars; therefore, losing even more. This is a very interesting question which I might try on my next trip. Did anyone notice that I started three consecutive words with "any" in that paragraph. Does that count as an aliteration?

Where is my next trip you may ask? There are a couple of possible destinations. I will be going to U.A.E., Oman, Qatar, and Bahrain in February for work. I can't wait to try the indoor snowbarding in Dubai. Other possibilities include Hondorus, Scandinavia, Germany, and Thailand. As usual, I will keep you abreast of my journeys with any Deep Thoughts that I come up with along the way. In the meantime, have a healthy and safe Holiday Season.

A State of Lonliness

I thought of something interesting while driving back from Philadelphia last night. Almost everyone who lives in the northeast is familiar with the term "Tri-State Area". It's always mentioned in regard to a sale at the car dealer or some stupid radio contest. I guess it kind of makes more people feel included in some sort of sales pitch. Is this term present in every part of the country? I know they don't say it in Hawaii; they say "The Islands" instead. What if you lived in, say, Reno, NV. The only state in the area is California. Do they say "Bi-State Area"? I bet the would make a lot of people uncomfortable. And what about if you lived near Four Corners where Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, and Utah come together? I guess it would be the "Quad-State Area"

So people of Reno, Four Corners, Maine, I invite you to leave a comment and share the answer to this Deep Thought with the rest of the world.

Hope you had a Happy Veteran's Day. My Grandfather sure did; he turned 90! See you in 10 years Willard Scott.

Thank You Andre, I'll Have the Veal Piccata

Huge development is my quest to reach all 7 continents. The President of my company asked me yesterday if I would be interested in attending a coastal engineering conference in Dubai. Without even hearing any more I quickly said that I would be interested. So now I get a free, week long vacation to Asia and all I have to do is hand out a few business cards and give a little presentation about all of the papers that will be presented. Piece of cake...I love public speaking. Actually, I just love any excuse to picture people in their underwear. So according to my calculations, I will have been to 6 continents before I turn 30!

So today's Deep Thought is a quick one from the archives. I have always noticed this little part of daily life and now I am writing it down for the whole world to enjoy and debate. Picture this: you go out to eat with friends and/or family and the waitress passes out the menus and takes the drink order. (Notice I said waitress and not server. I am not politically correct and never will be. Deal with it.) Anyway, you take a couple minutes perusing the menu, carefully eliminating each item based on the ingredients or the way each dish is prepared.

Hmm, don't like capers so the fish is out. Don't want to eat anything fried so the chicken is out. Don't like anything with a glaze so the steak is out. Finally you decide on the plain and simple spaghetti and meatballs and close your menu rejoining the table conversation. The miserable teenage (or even more miserable middle age) waitress comes over to take your order. But for some reason you get nervous. You have already decided to get the pasta, you have carefully selected the thousand island dressing on the house salad over the Caesar salad, and you even picked the steamed vegetables as your side.

It's your turn to state your selections and almost instinctively you have to reopen the menu despite the fact that you already know what you want. Sometimes you even feel compelled to point out your choice to the aforementioned miserable food service industry worker. Why is that? What happens in those couple minutes that causes you to completely forget what you want to eat. This is truly a gastrointestinal disorder that should be researched more.

Who's On Your List?

Greetings and salutations. I am experiencing a slight lull in workload so I thought what better way to pass the time than with a little blogging. Some exciting things going on here at Jordon's Deep Thoughts. Well, not really but it sure sounded good. Let's see...my car passed it's bi-yearly emissions test yesterday, which was lovely. I recently went online with my new website: http://www.x-pong.net/. The site describes the most extreme drinking game ever conceived by man. My friends and I invented it while we were seniors at Penn State. My brother now plays with his friends and apparently it is all the rage. Check out the site and try playing...you won't be sorry.

What else? Oh yeah, I am also conducting an experiment at my gym. I always figured that any hot girl wearing an iPod at the gym is off limits because it would be super sketchy to make them take their earphones off to talk to them. I believe I addressed this in a previous post. Also, a friend of mine was telling me that she saw some hot guy using some piece of equipment at the gym and that she went up and innocently asked how to use it, hoping he would then ask for her number. I was amazed to find that girls actually do stuff like that. She also said that you can only do it to guys who aren't wearing iPods. Thus, I have decided to go sans iPod for the next week to see if I appear more approachable. It's been two days and the results are astounding: nobody has talked to me, not even glanced my way. Five days left, I'll keep you posted.

Speaking of the male-female dynamic, I had dinner with my ex-girlfriend last week while I up in Massachusetts. On my way back to my hotel after dinner I remembered how we had a list of celebrities, who, if we ever met, it would be okay to sleep with and it wouldn't be considered cheating. The point being that you would never actually meet this person but it gave your little fantasy hope. So anyway, this got me thinking. Do celebrities have a list of people they can sleep with and it wouldn't be considered cheating? Do they just choose normal people? Do they just sleep with whoever they want because they are celebrities? I mean, someone like Katie Holmes can't tell Tom Cruise that if she ever met Martin Short and sleeps with him it wouldn't be cheating because the odds of them meeting are pretty good.

So what do you think? If there are any celebrities reading this, and I mean A-list celebrities, please chime in with your two cents. Also, Adriana Lima, if you are reading this, please send me an email because we need to get together.

Jailbait?

Here's an interesting topic today. So many celebrities are on their way to jail these days. O.J., Michael Vick, Paris Hilton; the list goes on and on. For some odd reason I got to thinking about female prisons, probably because of Paris Hilton. And, as you might expect, this struck my blog nerve (which is located right behind the medula oblongata). Today's topic is something that I truly do not know the answer to and I think poses a real ethical dilemma that may or may not have already come up in the judicial system. So here it goes.

Let's say a female inmate is sentenced to 5 years in prison for...i don't know...stealing a pair of shoes from a department store. Unbeknownst to her, she is pregnant. Nine short months later she has to give birth. Do they let her deliver the baby in the prison infirmary? Do they take her out of the prison to a real hospital? But the most ethical question...what do they do with the baby? Is it automatically put up for adoption? Is it sent to a foster home? Does the mother get the kid back in four years and 3 months? Who raises the newborn?

If you are a lawyer or know a lawyer could you please find out for me? Is there legal precedent for such a case?

How About Them Phightin' Phils

WOW! My little Phillies finally made the playoffs. It's been a while, as you can tell by that picture on the right. I look a bit different than the picture in my profile. What a euphoric feeling for every Phillies fan around the world. I live in Connecticut where everyone is either a Yankees or Red Sox fan; they are used to winning. The Phillies on the other hand became the first (and only) professional sports franchise to lose 10,000 games this season. Needless to say, Philadelphia sports fans don't have much to cheer about. And when they do, their hearts are usually ripped out by the team choking. (See McChoke, Donovan. Super Bowl XXXIX) So anyway, at least for the next week, I am going to walk around with a smile on my face. Especially since I have many friends who are Mets fans. Talk about historic choke jobs.

Anyway, I was looking through my list of blog topics, trying to figure out what to talk about. Since we are talking about history, I decided to go with a thought I had a while ago while simply walking down the sidewalk.

Question. What do most people do while walking down the sidewalk? Answer. Whistle. When you walk down the street you probably whistle your favorite tune. Maybe something you heard on the radio on your way to work. Maybe a song that has been sitting in the back of your head for 10 years. Either way, you probably don't whistle too many original tunes. The tunes you whistle are delivered via radio, iPod, television, maybe a concert. Now lets go back in history a few hundred years...say 1757 (250 years). I assume mankind knew how to whistle 250 years ago. Is that a safe assumption? What did these people whistle? No radio. No iPod. No television. Maybe the upper class got to see a concert. Maybe a slave song or two. But walking down the sidewalk must have pretty quiet in the olde days. (See how I added the "e" to old to make it seem more authentic?)

Anyway, Go Phillies!

Don't Drop The Soap

Hola amigos. Today is quite a day in Jordon's Deep Thoughts. It's the first time in almost 5 weeks that I have had time at work to write a blog entry. I have quite a few ideas in reserve so get ready to start checking weekly again. Work has been absolutely crazy for the last month. I have been working until 6 or 7 every night. No Cheifet has ever had a job that required any more than 50% effort or more than 40 hours per week. Needless to say my parents were very disappointed. But alas, the FEMA project I had been working on since last Halloween is finally finished. Now it's nothing but SCUBA diving in the East River and writing blog posts to keep my faithful readers entertained while they sit at their desks wishing they could be doing something awesome.

So yeah, my August was pretty much the worst month of my life. Parking ticket, speeding ticket (my first), someone punched my sideview mirror and broke it, car engine problems. Oh yeah, and I kind of screwed up at work when I used meters instead of feet. Oops! So September 1 came and it was off to the Dominican Republic with my roommate Tom (see above, center) and my friend John (see above, right, the guy). Never in my life had I truly, sincerely needed a vacation. I'm telling you, DR (as we like to call it) is really cheap and awesome. We drank, we danced, we gambled, we drank some more, we tanned, we met some great people. Actually, I was very close to actually leaving a casino in the black for the first time in my life but the sweet siren song of the roulette wheel spinning gets me every time. Oh well, good times all around.

We shared a room and it turned out to be very nice. I was taking a shower one afternoon after a long day of sleeping and tanning and picked up the soap and, of course, it got me thinking. What is the proper etiquette on using a bar of soap when you aren't in your own shower? You go to a friend's house and want to take a quick shower before going out. You see the bar of soap sitting there...what do you do? If you use it, do you meticulously inspect it to make sure there are no hairs still on it? Do you just use your shampoo foam? That never works. Do you pray there is body wash and if so do you use their loofah sponge too? These are questions that need to be answered.

WWJD? What Would Jordon Do? He would use the damn soap and not worry about it because it's soap, anything that touches it is automatically cleaned, right?

Have a great week...and it's great to be back!

The Road Not Taken, Eh? Part 2

Greetings and salutations from my little office in Connecticut. As promised, here is a detailed account of the interesting and funny things that happened on my recent road trip to Minnesota, Wisconsin, North Dakota, South Dakota, Manitoba, and Saskatchewan. For all of you long time readers of Jordon's Deep Thoughts, or at least since last September (See previous post), you know that I have a little list of things I want to do in my life before I die. Among the many things are to go to all 50 U.S. states and all 13 Canadian provinces, swim in all 4 of the world's oceans, and stand at the extreme points of U.S. My most recent road trip was jam packed with many geographic conquests and other things that most people would never waste $600 and a precious weekend so they can check things off of their list. But screw them...so let's dive right into it.

Last September, my cousin and I spent 28 of a possible 48 weekend hours in a car driving to the easternmost point in the U.S. in Lubec, ME. So the goal of this trip: the northernmost point in the continental U.S., Angle Inlet, MN. A little research and a plane ticket and the next thing I know I am landing at the Minneapolis Airport with about 2,000 miles of driving in 3 days ahead of me. Needless to say, my cousin and I are super excited. And no, we didn't drive on 35-W. I'm an engineer, I knew that bridge was going to collapse. Idiots.

First up, the Twins-Angles game. The Metrodome is a dump...it looked like watching a Nintendo baseball game with the astroturf. High comedy. First thing I noticed is that people in Minnesota really do have a strong accent like in the movie Fargo. My cousin and I tried speak like them the rest of our trip. Also, probably the funniest observation is with the train system in Minneapolis. Most trains/subways have either a ticket taker on the train or a turnstile where you swipe a card. Not in Minneapolis. It's all on the honor system there. You buy a ticket, get on the train, and never have to prove to anyone or anything that you did indeed buy a ticket. And no, we never bought another ticket the rest of our trip. Idiots.

Saturday was quite the day. After a quick stop at a Wisconsin supermarket to stock up on food and drinks we were on our way to Winnipeg, Manitoba. Along the way we stopped at the geographic center of North America in beautiful Rugby, ND. There is a big obelisk marking the spot and that's it. There is nothing else there. We didn't roll into Winnipeg until 11pm and I went right to bed.

Sunday arrived and we had one goal, getting to the northernmost point in the U.S. Destination: Angle Inlet, MN. The Angle (as it's called locally) can only be accessed from Canada. So from Minnesota you actually have to drive into Canada and then back into Minnesota. But that's not even the funniest part -- you have to clear customs at an unmanned border station. That's right, there is only a videophone where you call customs and tell them your information. I hope Al Queda isn't reading this.

So to get to the point you actually have to take a boat because it's located on an island. A guy in the parking lot for the videophone told us to travel down the road to the Angle Outpost Resort and ask for David or Jessica Fandrich who would rent us a boat. So we get in our super sweet Pontiac G5 and travel down the unpaved road. We find David and he is more than happy to take us on his boat, free of charge. We find the point and stone marker (see picture above) but it's on private property and people are home so we don't get out but close enough. Great success!

We leave The Angle and cruise over to Lake Itasca, which is the headwaters of the Mississippi River. It was surprisingly nice. We also cruise past the Longitudinal Center of Canada and the north-south Continental Divide. Who knew that this area of the country was home to so many geographic monuments? Last stop on the trip was the Mall of America. I was at the Mall of America a couple years ago when my flight to Hawaii was delayed and I had to overnight in Minneapolis. The roller coasters were just as much fun this time. That's right folks, there is an amusement park inside the mall. They even have an aquarium now!

So all in all, another awesome trip that has allowed me to check a few things off my list. Next up...I have no idea. I'll just keep exploring and, of course, keep you posted.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Lost Time?

Hi. I have a really good post coming in the next week or two recounting my adventures to the northernmost point in the continental United States. I am still waiting for the pictures from my cousin. This trip was similar to the one described in an earlier post recounting my adventures to the easternmost point in the United States. But I don't want to spoil a future post so I will get right into today's.

I was walking through the kitchen last night and I did something that I always do but for some reason this time it sparked a Deep Thought. Am I the only one who can't stand when there are seconds left on the microwave timer? Who are the assholes who feel the need to take their stuff out before the timer runs down to zero and not reset it? Well, being as I only live with one other person, I knew who the guilty party was. Then I started noticing people at work do the same thing. Come on people. A little decency and microwave etiquette would be much appreciated.

As a result of this observation, I am including a new Jordon's Deep Thoughts feature: the Deep Poll. (that sounds kind of dirty, doesn't it?)