Whipped

Just a quick observation I made the other day while driving... Is there anything more pathetic than seeing a car with the license plate with the couple's initials on it? If my wife ever asks me to do that I will divorce her right on the spot. I also saw a guy with a bumper sticker that said "I heart my wife". That also will not fly in my house.

...But I Do Have Good News

Can Al Queda claim the car blown up by a suicide bomber with their car insurance company? Or does Arab-Geico consider it an act of God since they claim Allah told them to do it?

Putting Her In Hover

Ok, so we all know how the Earth spins. Say you wanted to travel from New York to Los Angeles. Would it be more economical to just hover an inch off the ground and wait for the Earth to rotate below you until Los Angeles gets there? I mean, think of how safe it would be. I guess it would take a really long time to go the other direction though. I guess it's not such a good idea.

Dane Cook Was Right

So I finally broke down and went grocery shopping last night for the first time in about 4 weeks. For some reason I was trying to eat everything I had before restocking the shelves...don't ask me why. Anyway, if you listen to the very funny comedian Dane Cook, then you have heard his bit about never leaving your shopping cart unattended at the supermarket. What if someone comes in looking for all of the same items you already put in your cart and just walks off with it? Well this never happens, right? Wrong!!!

I was standing at the deli counter when this cute older woman walks up. She kind of looked like the flat chested lifeguard on Baywatch. You know who I am talking about. Anyway, we smile at each other and then all of a sudden she says, "Shit! I took someone else's cart." She proceeds to storm off in search of her original cart and returns a few minutes later. There was even a little kid's stuffed animal in there.

As I continued shopping I saw the original cart, stuffed animal and all, abandoned at the end of the canned meat/fish aisle. Not only is there some kid crying because he/she lost his stuffed animal, but the owner of that cart decided to just get a new cart and start over.

Lesson to be learned: Never leave your cart alone, there are bad people out there...even at your neighborhood grocery store.

Oh That Bill Gates

Ok, this one is VERY deep so stay with me here. Any of you who used to play Oregon Trail on the Apple II in elementary school knows that the Macintosh used to have the Trash Can on the desktop, which was subsequently ripped off by Windows 95 and renamed the Recycle Bin. My question is whether either name is truly accurate.

A trash can would imply that what goes in is taken away and never comes back, in any form. A recycle bin on the other hand would imply that what goes in is taken away, changed a bit, and reformed into the same thing. So what are we really doing when we delete that word document? If you think you are deleting the document then you should really send it to the Trash Can because you will never see that document again. But, if you are simply clearing the bytes that make up that document so you can use them again for another document then you should send it to the Recycle Bin.

It all depends on your point of view. Are you deleting the document or recycling the bytes that make up the document? Maybe it should be renamed the disposal facility. I just don't know, maybe Al Gore does...

Please don't kill me...

If you have turned on the news at all in recent weeks, then you have undoubtedly seen something about the Danish cartoon depicting Muhammed and the related violence. The Quran, Islam's holiest book, condemns idolatry, but has no direct condemnations of pictorial art. Direct prohibitions of pictorial art, or any depiction of sacred figures, are found in certain hadiths, or recorded oral traditions.

Well if these Muslims are so devout in their beliefs that they would kill someone over a cartoon, then aren't they being very hypocritical? I mean, how do they even know what Muhammed looks like if it is blashpemous to even create or look at depictions of Muhammed? Maybe the cartoons are just of some Arab guy. Or maybe they are of me when I have my thick beard. Or maybe one of the guys from ZZ Top. Viva Las Vegas!

Change for a Dollar?

You know how a lot of restaurants have the framed one dollar bill on the wall commemorating the first dollar the restaurant ever made? Honestly, what are the chances that the first transaction the restaurant made was for only a dollar? Do restaurants even sell stuff for less than a dollar? I mean, I doubt some guy went in and just ordered a coke.

America the Singular?

A very interesting thought crossed my mind while watching the national anthem last night during Super Bowl XL. And no, it wasn't that I hate Pittsburgh, the Steelers, and especially Steelers fans. It had to do with the good old U.S. of A. We all know (well some of us do) that there were 13 colonies and Delaware was the first colony to ratify the Constitution and become a state, followed by Pennsylvania. The dates were December 7, 1787 for Delaware and December 12, 1787 for Pennsylvania. So my question is this: What was America called during that 5 day period? It couldn't be the United States of America because there was only one state. Was it the United State of America?

Footnote: I have been trying to research this but to no avail. If any of my avid readers are history majors (good luck with that one) or history buffs (congrats on becoming a buff), then please let me know if you have any info on this topic.

(Update: 2/9/06)

I emailed a guy named Don Higginbotham, a history professor at the University of North Carolina, who specializes in colonial American history. He had no idea. Oh well, I guess it will remain a mystery.

99 cents my ass...

When you think of the Super Bowl, what's the first thing that comes to mind besides Donovan McNabb throwing up on Freddie Mitchell's cleats? The commercials. Well, with the big game coming up this weekend, it reminded me of an interesting commerical that has been on the past month or so for Wendy's and their 99 cent menu. I'm sure you've seen it.

A cop gives some guy a ticket, to which he responds, "75 junior bacon cheeseburgers?" Or a husband telling his wife, "You look like a million chicken nuggets." Does anyone else have a problem with this commercial? What are they trying to say? Is the ticket really for $74.25? 75 x $0.99 = 74.25 not 75. Or is the guy in the car that good at math and did the multiplication in his head?

Even worse, is the husband telling his wife that she looks like $990,000? I mean, 1,000,000 x $0.99 = $990,000 not $1,000,000. To analyze this situation even more, there are actually 5 chicken nuggets in the box. This further makes this guy's wife less good looking. A million chicken nuggets is actually only 200,000 orders making her really only look like $198,000. 1,000,000 / 5 x $0.99 = $198,000 not $1,000,000. I can bet he will be sleeping on the couch tonight if his wife were just a bit smarter.

Am I Fat? Well You're Not Obese...

I'm sure by now all of my loyal readers know that I come up with some really stupid posts. Well I like to think this one could actually be useful. I don't know how to do it but I'm just throwing it out there. Ok, here it goes...

I was watching the State of The Union speech the other night. I watched it on Fox. Apparently, Fox had the most viewers according to the Nielsen ratings because of American Idol being on before. Well we all heard W say that Americans are addicted to oil and we need to come up with alternative sources of energy to ween ourselves off of our sweet tooth. Personally, I would be sad to see gasoline go because I love the smell of gasoline but I guess it would cut down on the sudden increase in freak gasoline fight accidents. Anyway, I took W's statement to heart and took some initative to come up with a solution to this problem. The answer was literally right under our noses the whole time: Our mouths.

Where do humans, and for that matter all animals, get their energy from? I'll give you a second...time's up. We eat. Be it meat, fruit, vegetables, dairy, grains, oreos. Why can't the scientists come up with an engine/motor/machine that can convert food into energy much like animals do? It would sort of be like Mr. Fusion in Back to the Future Part 2. Think about it. We could put all of the food people don't like into this engine/motor/machine: beets, passion fruit, gefilte fish. Also, this would give the farmers tons of work to do growing crops so we can use them for fuel in my new V8 engine. Get it? V8, tomato juice. Anyway, the FDA really needs to team up with the NSF and get my new project off the ground.

Was Carmen a San Diegoan?

After watching the finals of the Australian Open today between Roger Federer from Switzerland and Marcos Baghdatis from Cyprus, I learned one of the most interesting things ever. Did you know that someone from Cyprus is called a Cypriot? I took it upon myself to research some other unique nationality names. Here are a few:

The Seychelles - Seychellois

Monaco - Monégasque

Madagascar - Malagasay

Laos - Laotian

Botswana - Tswana (This one is very funny)

A Toll Is A Toll???

So I was driving down the New Jersey Turnpike today and stopped at the beautiful Vince Lombardi rest area for a chicken sandwich from Burger King. This got me thinking... Do the people who work at the little fast food restaurants in the rest area have to pay the toll? Does it make them mad that when they are finished with work and have to go home that they have to drive even further away from home before they can turn around and get going the right way? Have you ever met anyone who has worked at either a rest area or toll booth? Who are these people? I would like to know...

Emily "Blog" Post

So I recently got an email from an old friend of mine. We exchange emails every few months to catch up each other up on our super exciting lives. Well to make a long story short it got me thinking about email etiquette, or e-etiquette as I like to call it. Mainly, what is the proper response time? This topic needs to be explored further and some rules should be developed in order to determine if someone is still your friend or you should cast them out into the internet ether, or e-ether as I like to call it. Below are my thoughts, please feel free to send me any comments or suggestions.

What is the etiquette regarding responding to emails? If it is from your significant other then you are expected to respond immediately, right? A close friend/family member maybe a couple of days? What about the friend who you write to every few months? Are you expected to respond right away? Personally, I always respond right away, i mean how hard is it to click reply and spend 5 minutes writing an email. If one party writes after a long time between emails and you write back quickly, then does the exchange end there with groups of two emails sprinkled over time? Or does a quick response bring the other person back into the close friend circle where emails should be exchanged more frequently?

This is what I think about. It's quite sad, I know.

Career Planning

In my attempt to find interesting and unique career paths for myself, I have decided to keep all of my loyal readers (if you do read this please let me know so I can feel important) abreast of the many options I have explored. This list will be be forever changing as I discover more opportunities. Listed below are what I have so far:

1. Socialite - Somehow Paris Hilton has managed to make a career of going to parties so why can't I do the same thing.

2. Explorer - As recently as a century ago, many brave people still made a career of exploring the world. I'm sure there have to still be places that haven't been discovered.

3. Debutante - Although not popular anymore, I think spending my time being introduced to society would be a very rewarding job.

4. Forefather - Washingon, Jefferson, Franklin, Cheifet. Why not? I have some good ideas.

5. Guru/Buff - This one may require a little studying but I think I could do it.

(Added 1/17/06)

6. Baron/Mogul/Tycoon - This one will definitely require some capital and a lot of work. But how cool would it be to have a businiess card that said "Jordon Cheifet, President, CEO, and Baron, Cheifet Industries?

(Added 2/13/06)

7. Jet Setter - Now this would definately be fun. I don't know exactly what these people did before they became jet setters, while they are jet setting, or what they do after the jet setting. But I think they have a lot of money and see cool places. Maybe once I become an explorer and baron/mogul/tycoon I can combine them to become a jet setter.

(Added 2/17/06)

8. Middle Man - You always hear about how things can be made cheaper by taking out the middle man. I think I would enjoy being a middle man because I like to give it and take it. (wink wink)

9. I will keep you posted on any developments...

One is the lonliest number

I don't know anyone with only one arm or only one leg but there is one question I would like to ask that person. "When you buy shoes or gloves, is there a place you can meet other people with only one arm or leg so you can sell the shoe or glove you won't use?" I'm not trying to be insulting here, I think it's a legitimate question.

2/1/06: As a follow up to this post, I came across a very interesting story about a one-legged man who is suing a shoe store because they forced him to buy both shoes when he only wanted one. http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/conspiracies/61528 It's a joke people.

Laundry Foul?

So I was watching some football today and I got to wondering. When referees do their laundry, do they wash their shirts in the white or the dark load?

John HanCROCK?

Let's say you go down to the local courthouse to legally change your name. Do you sign your old name on the forms or your new name? If you sign your old name, then once the form is processed it is no longer valid because the person who signed it no longer exists. If you sign your new name, then that name isn't legal yet so the form can never be processed. Maybe you could just write "SEE ID"...

Submitted by Eric Cheifet

Stuck In The Middle

Imagine the globe. No matter where you stand on the globe, your feet will always face the center of the Earth, right? Ok, now dig a hole straight down from anywhere on the Earth. What happens when you reach the other side? You don't fall out because you just said that your feet are always on the ground...but if you flipped over some where during your digging you would have fallen back towards where you started. Isn't that weird?

One-Way History

You've probably all seen the picture below. It shows workers who built the transcontinental railroad and drove the golden spike at Promentory, Utah. Well I was wondering, if that was the only railroad at the time in that area, then did they drive the trains backwards all the way back to where they started from? This wasn't in the history books...

Five-O

Remember when you were younger and your teachers told you that you couldn't divide by zero when doing math or else the math police would get you? How about when your mom told you that you couldn't wear black pants with brown shoes or the fashion police would get you? Wouldn't it be funny if there really were the math police or the fashion police and they would slap handcuffs on you the second you put that brown shoe on?